One Ring to troll them all

A Dream within a Dream

"Curse you!" Isildur yelled at me with unadulterated fury. "I will end your devilry for killing my father and my brothers in arms! I so swear that you will never see the light of day again!" And then he proceeded to spit on the floor in front of my feet.

If I had been more present, I would have probably recoiled in disgust. As it was, I was much too out of it to even acknowledge whatever the man was throwing at me. Or, well, spitting.

I just knew that this was simply no dream because my mind wasn't capable of producing something like this. It was just too realistic, so unless I was in a coma and this was a product of it or just some sort of hallucination, there was only one other option that frankly sounded completely insane.

But as Sherlock Holmes once wisely said; when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

And by eliminating the impossible, there was just one other option that, frankly, sounded impossible too.

I had somehow gone to sleep and woken up in Sauron's body in the Battle of the Last Alliance.

In that moment, there was only one thought that crossed my mind.

Fuck.

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After my completely understandable identity crisis - I didn't even want to think that I'd stay like this forever, there must have been some way to get back, I just needed to figure out what that was - I looked at Isildur again, who was starting to show a slight wariness when he noticed that I wasn't moving to attack him. And why would I?

I had absolutely no reason to continue with canon. I wasn't an evil murderer psycho like Sauron, so why would I fight against the good guys?

Besides, I didn't want the One Ring to be lost and end up in my baby Bilbo's mind - or heaven forbid, Frodo's! - like in canon. They were innocent, sweet summer children. No way I would let a freaking Horcrux mess with their sunny selves!

So there was only one thing I could do. I needed to commit Sauron-cide.

But first...

"Fight me, you monster!"

...I needed to deal with Isildur. Man, I was so glad that Aragorn hadn't followed after the man. He was insufferable, and he was the main reason the One Ring was lost in the first place. But then again, I didn't condone murder of intelligent human beings - unless they had done something irredeemable multiple times, in which case I would show them no mercy - and I also didn't want to erase Aragorn's existence by accident.

"There is no need for us to battle anymore," I calmly said while looking around to see if I could find Mount Doom in the meantime.

I needed to throw this...thing into the lava as soon as possible.

Isildur didn't seem to like my response. The sudden deep growl he let out was not unlike that of a bulldog. It probably translated to something like 'you have three seconds to measure your next words carefully. Pray, for your sake, I find them satisfactory.'

"I have no desire to fight any of you any longer," I explained slowly as one would do to a small child, hoping it would clear the confusion. It didn't.

"Are you running away?!" Isildur yelled at my face, completely incensed. "Not only are you without honor, but you are a coward as well?!"

I simply looked on with a dead stare and gave up. There's no way Isildur would listen to me, let alone believe me, so I just turned around and walked away from the moron.