The Way You Don't Look At Me [MxM] | Short Story ✔️

So, tell me what's on your mind that makes you so selective

Good-day, ladies and gents, and whoever you are. Yes, it is I, the writer. Hi!

I know, I know... how long has it been? A year? Two years? Gosh... Jesus...

I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened.

But, I decided to come back to continue this. Hehe. I loved this story as I wrote it, and I always wanted to finish it, but never did. Now I want to and I hope I do. So, welcome back and I would recommend to read the previous chapter before you read this if you're an older reader from before. But I'll leave a short summary anyways:

- Pete hasn't been feeling the best and is stuck in a loop where he tries to better himself by cutting short from food and pretty much everything in life because he feels that he's not good enough for his boyfriend. He feels that if he does some changes with weight and eating habits and being a good boyfriend by being as perfect as he can be, his boyfriend would notice him and love him. But, the said boyfriend does leave an impression that he does love him. Only one day when he gets back home to see Pete in a mess, he takes a moment to take control and try to calm Pete down. He realizes that his boyfriend has been cutting off food and hurting himself mentally for a reason he didn't understand.

For those who didn't realize. This is a story based off of the song by Demi Lovato: 'The Way You Don't Look At Me'.

Now, on with the chapter. Happy reading!

***

With a taste of a poison paradise, I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're toxic? ~ Toxic

The movie was forgotten, left to play on its own. The singing of Elsa and Anna left unheard since he turned the volume down. It was only because his question was left unanswered.

You know I love you right?

I didn't know how to answer it. But I should. I should answer him. He's waiting for an answer. Gosh Pete...

"Pete, are you listening?" He didn't wait for an answer and placed the food away. I was silently thanking that he didn't force me too much. I just hated the feeling I get after I've eaten things like those. The itching feeling to scratch away the fat doesn't go away easily. I hate it.

Suddenly, my boyfriend pulled me over to his lap, tangling us with the bed sheets, the quiet screams of the apartment burning my ear.

"What's happening? You're shutting me off..." I wanted to answer him so badly. But how do I? It'll make him feel bad, because he won't understand that it was my choice. I chose to do this cause I wanted him to love me.

Pathetic.

"Pete. Talk to me right now. I'm getting scared."

I opened my mouth, barely anything coming out. I gulped, tears showing up before I can even control myself.

So pathetic.

I want to run away. He shouldn't see me like this.

I should run away and never see him again. He didn't deserve to deal with trash like me.

"Oh, my baby!" He hugged me tighter, rocking us back and forth, and it was only then I noticed his emotions. He was crying. He was scared for me.

I'm making him a mess.

"I'm so sorry! Don't cry! Tell me what's happening. I'm so lost Pete..." He leaned his forehead on mine, and I cherished the feeling of warmth and comfort.

I felt love.

"Oh, my god! Why's there so my pain in you?" I was hurting him.

I whined in my head, finally getting the words out. Being the coward, I had to assure myself first.

Selfish Pete.

"P-promise n-not to g-get mad... or u-upset..." It didn't take a second for him to respond with a nod. I gulped, already knowing that I was going to be so needy, and pathetic, and so stupid. "I-I... I feel... like you... like y-you... no! I feel like I-I'm not g-g-good enough for y-you..."

I wanted to bury myself in a cemetery. I want to run away. I felt so disgusted with myself.

Pete. Pete. Pete. What's wrong with you?! You, stupid, stupid idiot!

Coward.

Selfish brat.

He doesn't deserve this.

He could be happy with someone else.

He's living and you're bringing him down!

"Pete..." He sounded hurt, and desperate. He sounded like he was mourning for the dead.

Gosh! Pete! He sounded so hurt! He sounds so hurt!

"Baby, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" He repeated the same thing over and over again, swaying for what felt like eternity, our bodies numbing and molding into one though it's fixed stiff from the same position.

We cried in silence, humming at the bittersweet moment. I missed it.

"I'll be better, I promise," he said in between, and I didn't understand it. In fact, I didn't understand any of what he was saying.

"Why... I don't understand," I voiced, surprising myself for being so comfortable to not stutter. "Why are you saying sorry?" My voice started to shake, and tears welled up again. "W-why are you saying sorry? I'm the one who is weak! I let you down every day. I can't... I can't even look at you without wanting to... to hit myself..."

He didn't let me from our hug. His hand continued to rub my back and make us warmer. It was getting hot, but it didn't matter. The moment; the seconds we have made into such meaning, was too important.

"You're worth it for me Pete... I don't know how you forgot or where you got the wrong signals." He pulled away to see my face. I wanted to turn away. "I love you. I thought we loved each other. Why do you think I will come home then? Why would I just keep coming back if I didn't?"

I couldn't breathe.

"You don't let me down every day. You shouldn't think like that." He wiped the half-dried tears away. "When did you start feeling like this?"

I felt so different from how I did a few hours before.

I felt... okay to be with him. After having to look at him straight in the eyes. But I couldn't.

I couldn't tell him when I started to feel like how I do.

It would hurt him. Kill him even. It would put us in a place where I'd hurt both of us.

Because the reason would scream selfishness.

"I can't say..."

He whined, frowning. "Come on, why not?"

I shook my head, looking away, trying to stand up. He didn't let me.

"Pete, I need to know. We have to find out what happened." He breathed; calming himself down, I noticed. "I'm not going anywhere until I find out how I can help you."

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Hope it was okay. Have a great day guys! Make sure to vote to help the story reach others. Love ya <3.