Same Bitches - Post Malone

Bonus Chapter

"Ok...are we doing anything illegal?"

"No...maybe...it will only be illegal if we get caught," Lux says flashing Louis her best grin. Louis looks excited by her answer then frowns when they stop the SUV. He looks out the window and his frown deepens. "This is my exes house," he says. "Come on, let me show you something," Lux says jumping out and walking to the back of the SUV with Louis and everyone else. Austin opens the boot and steps to the side when a huge cooler comes into view. Lux grins and opens the cooler, pulling out a fish. "We are going to hide these fish all over the house, the air vents too - they will be fighting this battle for months. There are two hundred of them," she says. Louis' mouth drops open and it takes him a second to catch his breath. "You planned this all for me?" he whispers, he looks a little emotional. "Of course. We all did. We love you, Lou," Lux says. "I don't know what to say, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me," Louis says. "Whenever I don't know what to say I find a group hug helps," Dre says. "Fuck off, Dre," Louis warns.

Pete, Harry, and Austin grab the cooler and pull it out of the SUV, and then they all walk to the side garden gate. The closer they get the more excited Louis gets, even accidentally letting out a laugh that sounds a little too much like an evil villain. "Hold up, Lou, I know they fucked you over but...don't you think this is a little too much?" Shawn asks suddenly. "What are you on about?" Austin asks, screwing up his face. "We are parents now, we have to make responsible decisions," Demi chimes in. "Responsible decisions? You have brought your crotch goblin to this maybe illegal activity," Lux counters. "This is defiantly illegal," Hailey says. "We just wanted to include her in our lives," Demi defends her and Shawn.

"Ok, Shawn, picture this. You and Demi go through all this shit, right? You propose because that's what you both want - you're in love. Then on the day you get married, you slip out for a piss and find Austin fucking Demi in the bathroom. Also, Austin is a washout that can't hold down a job so he could never look after her...and he has a smaller dick," Louis says. Shawn looks offended then kicks the gate open. "Burn the whole fucking house down," Shawn shouts, grabbing Demi and running into the yard. Everyone else follows quickly and heads to the back kitchen door, but Louis suddenly comes to a grinding halt.

"That dirty motherfucker," he whispers under his breath. Lux stops too. "What's up?" she asks. "What the fuck? She got him a Harley-Davidson?" Louis groans as he looks past Lux. Lux turns to see a monster motorcycle parked in the driveway. "That's fucked up, she never let me get one," Louis says softly, shaking his head and then turning and walking to the back of the house to join the others.

"Come on, Lux," Austin says trying to tug her with him.

"Wait...how expensive is that motorcycle?"

"Very expensive. Every guy dreams of having one."

"That stupid bitch," Lux says under her breath then follows Austin to the back of the house. Petra picks the lock then everyone creeps in, grabbing a bunch of fish each and hiding them around the house. Behind the couches, behind the tv, under the fridge, on top of all the kitchen cabinets, taped under the dining room table and each of the chairs, they also unscrew any air vent they find and shove fish in there too. They hide them in every room, and in every hard-to-reach place they can.

"Done?" Austin asks when he screws the last air vent cover back in place as everyone gathers at the back door. "Yup," Lux says while she changes the time on the kitchen clock. They head for the kitchen door too but then Austin grinds to a halt. "Wait," he says suddenly and ducks into the lounge, appearing a few seconds later with four remotes in his hands. "What are you doing?" Lux whispers, confused. "Do you know how pissed off people get when they can't find the remote?" Austin asks slipping them into her fishy bag. Lux pulls him down and kisses him - his conniving mind is hot. Everyone runs off to the SUV's ahead of them and when Lux and Austin run to the front of the house Lux stops and walks over to the motorcycle, pulling her shirt off. "Lux," Austin hisses. "Come help me," she says uncapping the fuel tank and jamming her shirt into it.