IV. Bound

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My mind was an empty space when I got home Monday night. I was drained.

The amount of things that had transpired on my first day back was mentally and physically overwhelming.

Slipping out of my formal attire and into a cozy, winter set, I began making myself dinner. And opened up an entire bottle of wine...I deserved it.

The blizzard from earlier had slowed, but still continued on

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The blizzard from earlier had slowed, but still continued on.

Though they made Gotham City traffic worse than it already was, something about snowy, chilly nights during the holidays brought me comfort.

With only a couple of weeks left until Christmas, I decided that tonight I would put up my holiday decor. I would have typically put everything up after Thanksgiving, but my apartment had been ransacked that very week and then I had gone to live with Jonathan.

The sweet wine helping me unwind from the eventful day I had, I put some jazz on my record player and began adorning my home in the festive decor I had stuffed in one of my closets.

It wasn't a lot, but the little things brought me joy: a medium sized plastic fir tree that I garnished with lights, ornaments and garland. Snow globes and nutcrackers that I placed sporadically through my apartment. Deep-red, fuzzy blankets I draped across my couch and bed, topped with cozy pillows. Snowflake decals I stuck to my already frozen windows.

I stepped back to admire the quaint, cozy space I had created, and void in my heart seemed to feel just a bit smaller.

It was the first time I had felt so calm, so safe in months

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It was the first time I had felt so calm, so safe in months. I watched from my window as fluffy snow blanketed the landscape, falling to the beat of the piano record that played in the background.

I wondered if Jonathan celebrated Christmas. If the lights and the snow brought him joy, or maybe even peace. I so badly wished he was here with me in this moment and I wondered if perhaps there would be a time where we could just live as normal people.

A large part of me wanted my old life back—mundane, routine, and ordinary...but with Crane a part of it.

With the bottle of wine completely finished with, my conscious was filled with drunken thoughts of Jonathan. His beautifully cruel features, his voice, his intelligence and unpredictable personality.

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