𝐌𝐘 𝐖𝐀𝐑 | j. kirstein

𝐱𝐯𝐢 | the executioner

‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒

‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒ ✯ ‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒‒

THE PAST THREE weeks have been agonizing for Jean. It seems like there was unfinished business everywhere, making it almost impossible to even be at peace for five minutes. Overthrowing a government, all while being on the run with everyone wanting to kill you, was not for the weak.

After everything that happened in Wall Rose, the Scouts were soon back to experimenting with Eren's Titan Powers in hope of paving the way for their return to Wall Maria, and shortly after that, the government was after them.

He lost track of all that has happened so far.

Running from the MPs. Eren and Historia's kidnapping. Fighting thugs with ODM gear. Almost dying inside a cave. Fighting Historia's dad as a 100 meter Titan that burned the city to the ground. Almost dying again. Overthrowing the government. Historia's coronation.

Jean's agenda has been booked and busy.

It's been three days since Historia was pronounced as the Queen of the Walls, and life hasn't gotten any easier. Now that Jean has time for himself and no one's life is in danger, he has find it extremely uncomfortable to be alone with this thoughts, to be in silence and at "peace".

He looks for the slightest distraction to keep himself away from thinking. Wether it be going out of a run, or helping his superiors with tasks, Jean did it. Anything that helps him forget.

Forget her.

It was the right thing to do. She was a traitor, an enemy to humanity, and therefore, his enemy, as well, so why can he bring himself to hate her like he wants to?

He's angry at her.

She betrayed him, betrayed his friendship and his heart, betrayed everything he thought they shared. There was no denying that.

Yet, deep down, he knew his heart yearns for her. It calls out her name in his sleep, it aches to know the cruel truth about her, it breaks apart when he sees her in his memories, and it's driving him insane.

There was so much he wanted to say, and so much he wanted to do. He wonders, if he could somehow eras everything and meet her under the right circumstances, would they still become friends? Would he still care for her as he does, despite all the strings his mind is pulling to do the complete opposite?

Who knows? he thought. Jean sighs, ruffling his hair frustratedly.

He currently sat in his desk, a blank sheet of paper on top and a pencil in his hand. Thankfully, Connie was out on cleaning duties with Sasha and Mikasa, leaving Jean to himself in their shared dorm.

Originally, Jean's plan was to distract his mind by doing something he hasn't done in a long time; draw, however, it's been so long that he actually believes he has forgotten to even draw a circle.

But as much as he tries to bring the pencil in his hand to touch the paper, he couldn't make himself move. His eyes could simply staring at it, hesitating. It was as if he was afraid.