Circles

Chapter IX

"Andrew, I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Th-this month I'm really short on money, so...w-well, you don't have to do it if you can't. But I'd really be in trouble, and I..."

"Hey, stop rambling."

"Would you...would you lend me some money? I'll do anything..." he said, looking into his eyes with a charming smile, trying to convince him.

Andrew fell silent for a moment.

"Anything?" he asked eventually.

"Yes! Yes, I'll do whatever you want, really."

"Noah," he sighed, "are you acting like a whore?"

The smile on the boy's face slowly started to fade, not disappearing completely.

"If you want to call me that, it's fine," he mumbled with dull eyes.

Andrew sighed again, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

"Don't you have any dignity?"

"Well, I don't think I have much left..." he laughed somewhat embarrassed.

The man gave him a pitying look.

"I won't give you money."

"...oh. Alright..."

"Aren't you going to say anything else? Is that the extent of your determination?"

Noah looked at him for a few seconds, confused.

"Andrew, I really am sorry... I don't know what you want me to do... you know I'm pretty stupid," he complained as he sat on the floor, leaning his head back.

"Ah, I've already told you not to do that. Why do you look so miserable? Fine. I'll help you, after all, I'm your boyfriend."

"Really?"

"But I won't give you money. You'd spend it on other things."

"Aww..."

"Come live with me."

Noah looked up at him in disbelief.

"What?"

"Come on, my apartment is big enough for both of us. I'm busy with work, so it would be fine if you pay me by doing household chores. Cooking and cleaning. Just that. Can you do it?"

"Well...I can try. I guess. But I'm not very good at cooking...so..."

"You're pretty useless."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Andrew crouched down to his level as he sighed, defeated.

"Do your best. It's alright."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Are you hesitating? Your situation is pathetic right now, so why not just say yes and save yourself trouble?"

"No...it's not that. It's not that I'm hesitating. I just..."

"Are you thinking about something?"

"N-no...seriously. I just thought I might be a bother to you," he weakly smiled.

"If I proposed it, then it's fine. Bring your things. I'll wait for you in the park," he instructed as he left the apartment and descended the building's stairs.

"...yeah. Thank you, Andrew."

Noah watched him go out of the corner of his eye as he packed some things in his bag, but when he was far enough away, he collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.

He liked Andrew. No. He loved him. He loved him and would have given everything he had for him. He felt like he could fall into his arms and be pampered at last, without having worries about anything. Andrew seemed happy taking care of him and constantly showering him with gifts and love, so their compatibility was perfect.

Still, he couldn't be at ease; the thought of getting too close to Andrew and him suddenly pulling away tormented him like a pesky mosquito. Although he would never admit it aloud, he was afraid that he would be abandoned again when Andrew discovered how pathetic he was because it was clear to anyone that he was nothing special.

After all, Andrew had a successful career in a prestigious company, and he hadn't even finished high school. Plus, he had no talents, and he wasn't exactly the brightest and most diligent person in the world; he constantly got into trouble, and it was hard for him to take care of himself. He didn't really understand why Andrew had chosen him, which made him feel even more vulnerable, causing his stomach to churn every time he thought about it. He didn't want to be alone again, so he would avoid at all costs letting Andrew get bored of him. He had to please him. He wanted to. Maybe that way, things would work out better this time.

Besides...how many years had passed already? He didn't want to keep track, but it was inevitable for him that memories of Alister occasionally lingered in his mind. Sometimes he felt like he was there, in that apartment, with him. There was no way his brother knew where he had been staying for the past few years, but one of the reasons he refused to leave was precisely because he unconsciously believed that he might come looking for him there.

"Impossible..." he muttered to himself to convince himself.

Perhaps the little signs he believed he saw everywhere were just products of his imagination. Like the small gifts that sometimes appeared in front of his door. It wasn't a regular occurrence, but a bag with some food would often show up there, some drink, or even sweets. Occasionally, he felt like someone was watching him from a distance, but whenever he turned, he never saw anything more than his own shadow.

Noah knew it was probably one of his neighbors or someone he had known from before Andrew, from his old job, who had become obsessed with him, but he didn't want to imagine that he had a stalker after him. For his mental peace, he just let it go, and since he needed the food anyway, he preferred not to do anything that would upset that person. Of course, Andrew had no idea about this.

It was just that sometimes his resolve wavered, and he imagined that it was Alister who was taking care of him from a distance. He needed to believe he had someone who cared. But it was impossible. His brother had to be doing well, at home, graduated from college, with a good job. He probably had it all. Unlike him.

There was no turning back now. He couldn't refuse Andrew's request, and it wasn't like he had a choice, as his money had run out, and he had no way to pay off the rent debt from the previous months. He had to leave.

"I'm so screwed..." he mumbled as he rubbed his face forcefully to wake up.

He slowly stood up and finished packing his things, hoping Andrew wouldn't be angry for taking so long. He would come up with some excuse. Before leaving the apartment for the last time, he looked around with a hint of nostalgia. He just hoped things would be a little better from now on.