Resident Evil Oneshots

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Fanfiction

Just some Resident Evil Oneshots. They are x reader. (Most of them will be fem reader, but not all). ONLY CANON X READER. NO CANON X CANON OR OC'S

#albert #billy #birkin #chris #chrisredfield #claire #coen #evil #jill #kennedy #leon #leonkennedy #oneshots #redfield #resident #residentevilxreader #sherry #valentine #wesker #xreader

Incorrect quotes II

Start from the beginning

by Chrisker1

(Y/N): I'm this close to falling in love with Finn.
Piers: Your fingertips are touching.
(Y/N): Exactly.

Chris: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look?
(Y/N): Like its slips on and off really easily.
Chris:
(Y/N): No, I didn't mean it like that-
Wesker: We know what you meant.

*at 3am*

Rebecca: *runs into (Y/N)'s room and turns on the light* Wake up sleepyhead!
(Y/N): *wakes up* Dude!
Rebecca: *cackles*
Jill: *sits up from where she was sleeping behind (Y/N)* What the fuck, Rebecca?
Rebecca: *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-

Brad: sapnu puaS.
Wesker: What??
(Y/N): What language is that.
Brad: Turn your phone 180 degrees.
*Brad was removed from the groupchat*

Chris: *Gasp*
Brad: wHAT??
Chris: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Brad: *inhales*
(Y/N), in another room with Jill: Why can I hear screeching?

(Y/N): look Chris, I'm not slut shaming you but...
(Y/N): Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Jill, handing out popsicles: Which flavor do you want?
Chris: Blue flavor!
Jill: Uh, you mean Blue Raspberry?
Chris: Blue flavor! Blue flavor!
Jill: Blue is not a flavor!
Chris: BLUE FLAVOR!

Cop: What are your names?
(Y/N): Don't tell them, Brad.
Cop, writing: Brad...
(Y/N): Crap.
Brad: Nice going, (Y/N).
Cop:
Brad: Uh oh.

(Y/N): As top in this relationship, I think we should-
Chris: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Jill: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?
Wesker: Take them!
Brad: Punch them in the neck!
Rebecca: Say thank you!
(Y/N): Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!
Jill: ...
Jill: No.

(Y/N): I truly hate it here <3
Brad: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is it?
Leon: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is women?
Piers: Now replace "funny" with "women". Not so women now, is funny?
Chris: I'm having a fucking stroke.
Leon: Now replace "stroke" with "baby". Congratulations!

Chris: You're too later, Superdorks! You'll never stop me now!
Brad: That's where you're wrong, evildoer! We WILL stop you, with the powers of:
Jill: Friendship!
(Y/N): Harmony!
Piers: Incredible violence.
Brad: And love!

Jill: We need a way to lure in new customers?
Piers: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!
(Y/N): Chris bath water.
Chris: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

(Y/N): Made you all playlists!
(Y/N): Jill, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
(Y/N): Chris, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
(Y/N): And Piers has the ABBA Gold album.

(Y/N): *about Leon and Wesker* They make a cute couple, huh?
Piers: They certainly are standing next to each other.

Piers: Why do you look like that?
(Y/N), laying face-first on the floor: Like what?
Piers: Like you're dead.
(Y/N): It's because I'm dying. Leave me here to perish.
Jill: (Y/N) accidentally called Chris "babe" in front of everyone today.
(Y/N): *sobs into the floor*

Chris: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?
Wesker: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Chris: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.
Wesker: But I heard a siren.
Jill: That was (Y/N).
(Y/N): Sorry, I got nervous.

Leon: ARE YOU-
(Y/N): Fucking.
Leon: KIDDING ME?! YOU-
(Y/N): Fucking.
Leon: IDIOT!
Chris: ...What was that?
(Y/N): Wesker banned Leon from swearing, so I'm helping him out.

Chris, teaching Leon to drive: Okay, you're driving and (Y\N) and Piers walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Leon: Oh, definitely Piers. I could never hurt (Y\N).
Chris, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

(Y\N): Piers, you'll be working with Wesker and Chris.
Piers: Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else: *blank stares*
Piers: ...Of people on a team.

Wesker: Where's (Y\N)?
Chris: Don't worry, I'll find them.
Chris, shouting: Piers sucks!
(Y\N), distantly: Piers is the best person ever! Fuck you!
Chris: Found them.

(Y\N), writing in a letter: "I'm going to kick.. your... ass."
(Y\N): THERE. Now send it.
Piers:: Dude, your handwriting's terrible, are you sure you want to-
(Y\N): JUST DO IT!
later
Leon: So what does it say?
Wesker, reading the letter: They say they're going to "lick my...."
Leon:
Wesker:
Leon: Gross-

Hi.... It's been a minute. If I'm being honest, I can't bring myself out of writer's block, I'm trying really hard. But I just can't, I feel to insecure about my writing.

But! I'll try harder, and hopefully get something out this month!

Love you guys! :)