From Teen To Mom

Chapter 26

As the hands of time continued the march forward, Bentley was approaching four months. It was nearly two months since Greyson and I broke up, our relationship crumbling beneath the weight of our shared responsibilities. Yet, despite our separation, our paths still crossed frequently as we traded custody of our son.

Each time our gazes met, I could feel a mixture of anguish and remorse lurking within his eyes, silently pleading for my forgiveness. I desperately wanted to grant him that reassurance, to release my heart from the clutches of pain. But the wounds were too deep, the scars too fresh, and my spirit could not yet find the strength to forgive him.

Deep down, I knew Greyson was not a cheater. Perhaps he was known to stray in his past with others, but that was a time before our lives, before Bentley and the creation of our own little family. Throughout the journey of teen pregnancy that we had gone across together, I had come to know him on a level far beyond the superficial. I had firsthand witnessed his vulnerability, his tears, his laughter, and his capacity to care for others.

Contrary to public perception, he hated causing pain to those he cared for and I was no exception. I knew he regretted the hurt he had inflicted upon me, and I understood that his mind had been clouded by the grip of drugs and alcohol. But despite this understanding, the sting of betrayal lingered within the depths of my being, refusing to be suppressed.  

I remember in the early days of my pregnancy, Greyson had sworn that he was content to refrain from sexual intimacy during my pregnancy, and I believed him wholeheartedly. We had eagerly anticipated the moment when our son would arrive, and it was then that we planned to rekindle the flames of passion between us.

However, since my labor had been far from easy, as I swayed on the line between life and death and my body had endured immense trauma, and the recovery, both physical and psychological, proved to be a difficult ordeal.

To be completely honest, the thought of engaging in sexual activity filled me with an overwhelming sense of panic. I was plagued by fears of another unexpected pregnancy, of the potential harm it could inflict upon my still-healing body. Moreover, my inexperience in matters of the flesh gnawed at my confidence because of his expertise with so many women.

It was nearly Halloween, a holiday meant for families to come together and revel in the festivities. My heart ached at the realization that we would not be together as a family for Bentley's first Halloween. Swallowing my pride, I decided to get in my car with Bentley snuggled safely in his car seat, towards Greyson's house. It was a home that still held remains of the life we had once shared, though it felt as though those memories belonged to a distant time now.

I pulled into the familiar driveway, and carefully unbuckled my son from his seat, cradling him gently against my chest as he continued to slumber peacefully. Before I could even raise my hand to knock, Greyson swung open the door, his eyes registering a mix of surprise and curiosity. "I thought I heard a car pull up. I wasn't expecting you," he said, swiftly alleviating me of the burden of the diaper bag and inviting us inside.

Stepping into the living room, I placed Bentley into the pack 'n-play, my eyes deliberately avoiding Grey's gaze. I knew that if our eyes were to meet, a torrent of emotions and memories would come rushing back.

I summoned all my strength and mustered the courage to speak, my voice laced with a touch of vulnerability. "I apologize for not calling ahead, but I felt like we should discuss Bentley's first Halloween. It's such a big event and the thought of one of us not being there to witness it is kind of crushing. I believe it would be best if we spent it together," I concluded, my words tumbling out hurriedly.

His response was immediate, his voice filled with sincerity. "Yeah, of course. I would like that," he said, though my gaze remained fixed on the floor.

"Why?" I questioned, my eyes shifting to our slumbering son, the tears threatening to spill over. The pain and confusion simmered within me, demanding answers.

Understanding the underlying query, Greyson's voice quivered with remorse. He sat on the couch, patting the cushion invitingly beside him. I hesitated for a moment, then took my place beside him. I needed to hear his reasons, to understand the reasons for his adultery.

"Do you remember when you were in the hospital after the car crash, and you asked me if I had ever been in love?" he began quietly, his gaze fixed on some distant spot in the room.

"Yes," I replied, puzzled by the relevance of the memory. "You mentioned a girl who left for Europe."

"Her name is Aspen, and on the day you went into labor, while I was at home gathering your belongings, she showed up."

"What? And you never told me? What did she want?" I asked in confusion.

"I never expected to see her again," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret. "She wanted to know if I was still waiting for her, and when I told her about you and our son, she apologized and left. I thought that was the end of it. I was in love with you, Mer, and she respected that. But on the night of our fight, I saw her at a party at Carter's house. We ended up drinking and doing a lot of cocaine, and it just... happened. The morning after, we both woke up, filled with guilt, and realized the terrible mistake we made. I haven't spoken to her since, nor do I want to. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and every night, I wish I could turn back time and have you and our son home with me again. I will carry the weight of that regret for eternity. Just as I know you will carry the pain caused by me. And for that, I am sorry."

I sat there, surrounded in heavy silence, allowing Greyson's words to seep into my consciousness, each one carrying a weight that seemed to age him beyond his years. His voice resonated with wisdom, a maturity that had overshadowed the boy I once loved, the boy I still loved, if I were to be completely honest with myself.

"G-Grey..." I began, my voice shaking, but he gently interjected.

"There will never be a reason worthy enough to explain why I did what I did. I hate myself for it. But you asked for a reason, so the least I can do is try to explain what was going on in my head that night, or at least the pieces that I can remember. Before you and Bentley came into my life, I was trapped in a cycle of waiting, hoping that Aspen would return from Europe and still want me. And when she finally did, all I could think about was you and the family we were building. Yet, the weight of becoming a teen father proved to be more overwhelming than I care to admit, and I directed my frustrations unfairly toward you. That night with Aspen, it reminded me of an easier time, a time when my desires were the focus of my life. She symbolized the person I used to be, and in that moment, I foolishly believed that was what I wanted. But by the next day, the truth became painfully clear – I never wanted to be that person again. You don't have to say anything. I simply thought that you deserved to know."

His heartfelt confession left me speechless, and I was thankful that I didn't have to confront these emotions at this very moment. With a heavy heart, I rose from my seat, the unspoken understanding between us guiding my next steps. He agreed to bring Bentley back home to me later that night, allowing me the solitude I needed to process the weight of his words. I embarked on the drive back home, entangled in an unbearable silence.