"Just for a Moment." A R.J Caswen & Little Short story

Should I stay or let you go?

*Veteran's Day: November 10th*

Ricky's POV:

Today's Veterans Day and that means that a lot of students don't have school. Every year, Just for a Melody has a celebration for the students who have relatives who are veterans. But this year, I told Nini I didn't feel like celebrating anything. I decided to close the building for the day.

I know that Seanna's birthday is in two days but I just feel off.

When I described my mood and feelings to Kourt at the Renaissance festival, she diagnosed me with late postpartum depression, which is impossible because I gave birth almost three years ago.

Red said that I have something called 'Broken Heart Syndrome' which is the syndrome he had after Ash broke up with him. I don't think I have a broken heart yet. I have a tired and confused heart.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for him.

I'm tired of feeling like he could do better because he was a Hollywood star.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to lose him since I still don't feel like he loves me back.

Seeing him with Anastasia made me feel sick to the stomach. I began to think about what life would be like if he stayed with her. If he didn't run back to me. If he let me go instead of confessing his love for me.

I'm actually hiding from E.J even though we don't have work today.

I left the house this morning at 7 a.m. and left a note on the kitchen counter telling him that I was meeting up with Maddox for breakfast to party plan for Seanna. It's not a total lie though, I'm still meeting Maddox for breakfast at 8 am at the diner. But she won't be the only person at breakfast. Ash, Nini, Gina, and Red are coming too. Kourt and Red aren't morning people but I forced them to come.

I'm not party planning. I'm gonna ask them about something that's been on my mind.

"Should I stay or let you go? Will you love me when the curtains close? Just for a moment la la la..." I quietly sing while waiting for my friends to arrive.

I'm sitting at a large round booth by myself drinking coffee. I got here at 7:20 a.m. by Uber since E.J might need the car with the carseat to take Seanna out. It's probably too early for her anyway.

"Oooh is that a new song, Ricky? I wanna hear it. That song you wrote 'Love Me or Let Me Go' " has gotten so many views on Youtube. It's basically viral now." I look up from my notebook and see Gina and Nini standing there with a half-asleep Kourtney who is still in her pajamas.

It's more of a song for me to let out my feelings about E.J.

"Oh. I forgot about that song. Yeah, I guess this is a new one. It's nothing, really. You can take a look at the lyrics since you are a music expert. I don't feel like it's good. I started writing and it came out as these random words." I shrug my shoulders and pass her my notebook since no one else is here to grab the notebook.

I don't feel like it's my best work.

I've written dozens of songs and this one is missing something.

I don't know what yet.

"Ricky, this song is amazing! It would sound better as a duet though. Is it about a special someone or is it just from your stream of consciousness?" I watch her wink at me while Gina orders drinks for them.

"It's about E.J." I whisper to her once the waitress has left to fill their orders.

Before she can reply to me, I see Red, Maddox, and Ashlyn talking awkwardly by the front of the diner and suddenly remember that I shouldn't have invited all three of them. Red and Ashlyn broke up about a month ago. Maddox likes Ashlyn but no one knows and I didn't even realize that Maddox wasn't gonna ride with Nini and Gina in a car.