I Love You For So Long

Chapter 6

Jeff's POV

Mama has high expectations of me kaya ako nag-aaral ng mabuti. People love me so much and my cousin often compares to me, I feel sad for him. Noong mamamatay ang older brother ko ay napalapit ako kay Gabril, my cousin. Para ko na s'yang kapatid kung ituring. Gabril has done a lot for me so I will do everything for him.

"Nag review ka na ba for your upcoming exam?" I looked at Mama who had just entered the house. She looks very tired, isn't she? "Galingan mo sa pag-aaral mo. Your Papa told me na ikaw pa rin daw ang top 1 overall."

The school where I am studying now is owned by our family. Kaya alam na alam ni Papa kung anong nangyayari sa akin at kay...Gabril. Para ngang lahat ng cctv ay nakatutok sa amin ng pinsan ko, eh!

"Yeah." I sighed. Alam ko na kung ano ang sunod n'yang sasabihin. Halos araw-araw n'ya ba naman itong sinasabi sa akin.

"Dapat name mo pa rin ang nakalagay sa top 1, dapat hindi ka mawala sa pagiging top 1. Don't imitate your cousin who only knows fighting."

"Hindi naman away lang ang alam ni Gabril. Gabril is smart too. Wala lang gumagabay sa kaniya." Pagtatanggol ko sa pinsan ko.

"You should be thankful, then."

Lagi na lang ganoon. Lagi na lang nila minamaliit at tinitignan na masama si Gabril. Gabril and I have been attending the same school since elementary. So it's not new for them to hear and know that Gabril has fought again. They also know that Gabril is the 'king of bully' at school.

Ilang beses nila akong pinalayo kay Gabril pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi naman halimaw si Gabril para layuan ko. Hindi naman niya kasalanang natalo s'ya ng emosyon n'ya. Mabuting tao si Gabril, hindi lang naging mabuti ang mundo sa kan'ya.

"Alam ba nila tita na naninigarilyo ang paborito kong pinsan?" I laughed at what he said. Naramdaman kong umupo siya sa tabi ko.

"Ako lang naman ang pinsan mo, stupid!" Naubo ako nang bigla kong nalunok ang usok ng sigarilyo.

Since I entered highschool and the pressure my Mama put on me increased, I learned to smoke. I found safe place in smoking. Everytime I smoke I feel better. Walang kaalam alam sila Mama sa paninigarilyo ko tanging si Gabril lang. Gabril don't smoke and he doesn't like the smell of cigarette smoke, but he doesn't hesitate to talk to me when he sees me smoking.

"Kung ano man ang pinagdadaanan mo alam kong makakaya mo 'yan. You're brave and you will overcome whatever problem you have now. Just think postive and don't forget to talk to God. Masarap makipag-usap sa kaniya, Jelo."

After what Gabril said, I did nothing but cry, but I felt better. Maybe...it's because I let out the tears I've been hiding for a long time. Umuwi ako nang gabing 'yon na namumula ang mata. Aakyat na sana ako sa kuwarto nang biglang bumukas ang ilaw ng dining area. I saw Mama looking at me with an angry eye. Lumapit s'ya sa akin at sinampal ako. I was too stunned to react.

"Y-you killed your b-brother! You killed my son!" Isa na namang sampal ang nakuha ko. "S-sana...sana i-ikaw na lang ang n-namatay! I-i hate you, Jeff Louie! I hate you fucking much!"

Nakayuko lang ako at sinasalo ang mga tulak at pananakit n'ya. "S-sana ikaw na lang..." She pushed me hard causing me to sit in the floor. "A-ayaw kitang m-maging anak! S-sana ikaw na l-lang ang n-namatay!"

Narinig ko ang pagbaba ni Papa sa hagdan. Alam kong pinipigilan n'ya na si Mama at pinapakalma ngunit mas lalo lang nagwawala si Mama. Galit na galit s'ya sa akin. Hindi ko rin naman ginusto ang nangyari kay Kuya.

My brother died at a very young age. He drowned and I was with him then. I didn't do anything to save him because I don't know what to do. Ako ang reason kung bakit kami naligo noon sa ilog. Kahit hindi maganda noon ang panahon ay pinilit ko si Kuya Jell. My older brother couldn't say no to me, so he agreed.