Taekook and the ECLIPSE

23 | I Wouldn't Have To Contribute Much

"But the depression didn't fade. I didn't understand what was wrong with me, until Peter noticed that it was always worse after I'd hunted."

"I contemplated that. In so many years of slaughter and carnage, I'd lost nearly all of my humanity. I was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. Yet each time I found another human victim, I would feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life. Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty, I could see Maria and the others in my head, what they had looked like to me the last night that I
was Yoongi Min. It was stronger for me — this borrowed memory — than it was for anyone else, because I could feel everything my prey was feeling. And I lived their emotions as I killed them."

"You've experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself, Kook, but I wonder if you
realize how the feelings in a room affect me. I live every day in a climate of emotion. For the first century of my life, I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance. Hate was my constant companion. It eased some when I left Maria, but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey."

"It began to be too much. The depression got worse, and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte. Civilized as they were, they didn't feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel. They only wanted peace from the fight. I was so wearied by killing — killing anyone, even mere humans."

"Yet I had to keep killing. What choice did I have? I tried to kill less often, but I would get too thirsty and I would give in. After a century of instant gratification, I found self-discipline . . . challenging. I still haven't perfected that."

Suga was lost in the story, as was I. It surprised me when his desolate expression smoothed into a peaceful smile.

"I was in Philadelphia. There was a storm, and I was out during the day — something I was not completely comfortable with yet. I knew standing in the rain would attract attention, so I ducked into a little half-empty diner. My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them, though this meant I was thirsty, and that worried me a little.

"He was there — expecting me, naturally." He chuckled once. "He hopped down from the high stool
at the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me."

"It shocked me. I was not sure if he meant to attack. That's the only interpretation of his behavior my
past had to offer. But he was smiling. And the emotions that were emanating from him were like nothing I'd ever felt before."

"'You've kept me waiting a long time,' he said."

I didn't realize Jimin had come to stand behind me again.

"And you ducked your head, like a good Southern gentleman, and said, 'I'm sorry, sir.'" Jimin laughed at the memory.

Suga smiled at him. "You held out your hand, and I took it without stopping to make sense of what I was doing. For the first time in almost a century, I felt hope."