Back in the Saddle

A Very, Very Bad Idea

God, do I miss her.

\\//

Charlie

This was a bad idea.

A very, very bad idea.

What am I doing here?

This isn't a good decision!

What if they're not even here anymore?

Oh, God, there's the door opening.

They looked totally different. They looked better, happier, more aware of life. They looked like they were aware of the fact that days were going by; like they weren't just walking around like zombies. It's not like they ever really got that bad, unlike some others, but... That's beside the point.

She looked confused at first, and I don't really blame her. I probably look like shit, to begin with, and I'm older now, too. "Charlie?" she asked, unsure.

"H-hi," I managed to get out.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. "Tom!" she called. "Tom!"

And there came my blond friend, who instantly joined the hug the minute he saw me. "What're you doing here?" Tom asked, worried and confused.

I wiped my suddenly sweaty palms on my jeans. "Um, I, uh, need.... Like, I need Steven's phone number?"

"Why?" Terry asked, stepping aside to allow me into their home.

"Because I would, uh, like to call him," I reply dully.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Tom asked me, worry lining his brow.

I shake my head no and give a dry chuckle. Tom returns my smile sadly. "I just... I saw him in the grocery the other day-I was buying smokes for my sister-and I didn't say anything to him and now I feel bad. I'd just like to say hello and see how he's doing."

"He's doing much better," Terry offered. Something tells me they don't want me to contact him. You know, he's probably got a girlfriend by now anyway. Shit, he's probably had many since me. Maybe he's married. Who knows, really?

"Yeah, we were just with him the other night," Tom adds.

"Great." I really didn't mean to sound so rude and uninterested, but... I wasn't interested in hearing this from them at all, if I had to be quite honest. I wanted to hear it all from Steven. After all, words are just words. And they're telling me words Steven should be telling me. "But... Not to cut this short.... But I'm having dinner at my dad's tonight, and I've gotta be there, well, now."

"Oh." They were surprised at my sudden directness.

"Please, can I have his number?" I ask again.

Terry sighed, looking to Tom. Tom shrugged, unsure. And then Tom pulled a scrap of paper and pen seemingly from nowhere and scribbled down the number. I couldn't tell you how many times I thanked them, but it was certainly more than enough.

And, I'm not sure, but as I was walking to my car, I think I heard Terry mutter, "I feel bad that she's still like this."

And in response, Tom (I think), said, "Oh, he's the same way ..."

--

I wasn't joking about the dinner at my dad's house. Alice had invited me over several weeks ago, saying that my dad was going out of town soon and that I should come over. I never gave her a definite day, but I said I'd be there. And, now, here I am.

Yet she's got someone over.

Oh, imagine if my dad saw the scene in the driveway: There was an expensive car, sleek, shiny, and new, pulled up. He'd not only assume Alice was with someone else, but he'd automatically hate him because this dude has got one hell of a rad car. And my dad still has his station wagon.

Anyway, I uncertainly parked my car. I didn't know if I would be interrupting anything. After all, it would seem a bit hypocritical for Alice to cheat on my dad, seeing as Alice was the mistress with whom my dad cheated on my mom. But you never really know.

I knocked on the door, ready to turn back, when Alice answered. And she did have a guy over. But it wasn't at all who I was expecting. "Ooh, this is awkward," she muttered, then, loudly, "Charlie, hi, sweetie!"

I was kind of frozen, but I had this stupid little grin on my lips, for when I was going to greet Alice. Alice, thankfully, unfroze me with a hug and a warm laugh.

When Alice released me, Steven and I held some pretty awkward eye-contact for quite some time before Steven shook his head and looked to Alice. "Well, I should probably get going," he said jerkily, stiffly. "Thanks for, uh, dinner..."

His boots were already on, which made me think he was already on his way out anyway. He made a beeline for the door, shrugging past me without a word or a second glance.

I don't know what exactly I was trying to say to Alice, but it was something along the lines of, I need to talk to him, and I want him to talk to me. But I was so tongue tied that all that came out was an awkward mess of, "I need him."

And, well, I guess you could say that's not entirely a false statement.

--

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A/N: There's some more shit to get real for 'ya. Comment and vote and vote and comment c: