Back in the Saddle

The Part With No Regrets?

Lainey

Something felt different. Not bad different; maybe not even good different. But different. In an off sort of way. Sure, I had the usual hangover symptoms: headache, I felt sick, my eyes hurt, I was tired... but something about it didn't seem too bad.

It could've been the steaming coffee with two spoonfuls of vanilla creamer waiting on the bedside table, or it could've been that I felt weightless, or maybe even the fact that the room was still dark, it was eleven o'clock in the morning (almost twelve) and I was still in bed. Regardless, I felt good about my hangover. In fact, it was nice, because it gave me an excuse to stay in bed.

I suppose it was the thought of, Good, now I can avoid Steven a bit longer, that made everything unpleasant. The weightlessness dropped to a heavy feeling on my shoulders, my headache started to make the room seem as though it was spinning, and the coffee became bitter.

How could I? What kind if person am I to sleep with my boyfriend's best friend? Who the hell does that and lives with themselves?!

Better yet, how could he? Joe's married. This is their room. He can't just go around saying, "I'm falling out of love with my wife and in love with you," like who does that? Imagine how Anthony will feel about this. It's inevitable that Annie, Anthony, and Steven find out. I'm already feeling guilty, and I'm sure Annie would be able to read me like a book. And obviously Anthony's gonna know something is up when his dad is on the couch and his parents are having long talks outside on the deck...

Oh, god. What have I done, what have I done?

"Goodmorning!" Joe stepped into the room, grasping a mug of coffee for himself. "How's the coff- Lainey, what's wrong?"

I guess I had looked like I was about to throw up because Joe immediately rushed to my side and put an arm around my shoulders. "This isn't right," I managed to choke. I guess that I was crying a bit too.

"What- it's okay, what?" Joe said softly.

"No, this isn't right. It's not okay. We can't do this. You and me, yeah, we can't be together. Steven and Annie would be crushed. Anthony too. No, you're married and I've got Steven. The end, happily ever aft-"

"What if I'm not happy?" Joe asked, almost sounding angry.

"What if- what!?"

"I'm not happy," Joe stated, shrugging. "I've been with her my while life; never really tried to be with anyone else. She was with Steven for quite awhile and... now... I've got it all you'd think."

"You do have it all."

"I do. But I'm not happy. But hey..." Joe gives a bitter chuckle. "That life, right? You're never satisfied with enough. Always gotta have the next thing.... and that's you."

I blink, mouth slightly agape. "What about when you get bored with me?" I ask.

"I won't," Joe replied simply.

"But you've always gotta have the next best thing. Human nature. You get used to what you have. It's not fun anymore, after awhile," I argue.

"You're right, yeah," Joe said. "But where you're wrong is that not only do I want to be with you, but I need to be with you. Human nature doesn't call for needing the next biggest thing. You can satisfy your hunger needs with a simple rice-cake. You may want, like, ice-cream, but... all you really need is the rice-cake.... You get me?"

The funny thing is, I get him completely. "Yeah."

"So yes, I want the next best thing in this world so I can say that I'm happy again. Reminder, that's you (the ice-cream). You make me happy. But also, I need to be with you. I can't quite see it any other way at the moment."

"But regardless if you need me or whatever... you're still gonna want the girl on the cover of the next playboy issue."

"I wont," Joe repeated.

"How are you certain?"

"What more proof do you need?" Joe asked, letting his lips brush against mine. I might've shivered at the touch, but that's not important right now.

"You've got a family!" I exclaim quietly. "The media will talk."

Joe ignored my first comment, and touched on the second. "Let them," he said simply. "All I need is you. I won't get bored and I want nothing more. Promise you."

"Promises are just words," I say quietly. "They can be broken."

"Then what do you want me to do?" He was getting frustrated. I could tell.

"Prove it to me," I whispered in response.

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A/N: well, that was sorta lame. Or, like, really lame. Sorry. Next few chapters won't be, I hope. Any who, I'm going on a bit of a holiday starting tomorrow, so while I've got quite a bit of downtime on my way there, I'll write a lot. Comment and vote and all that fun stuff c: