Let Me Go (Ryden)

Chapter I

Ryan had had cancer for a while. According to the doctors, his chances weren't great. They said that at most, Ryan had about two months to live. Brendon knew that he should've taken him to see a doctor sooner. But Ryan wouldn't have it. So now, he had less of a chance of surviving, and Ryan had to survive. If not for himself, then for Brendon. Because there wasn't much that Brendon was sure about, but there were two things he did know for sure, and one of them was that he could not live without Ryan Ross in his life.
Ryan's health had been going in a downward spiral for a few months. He was constantly sick, and he never got better. Brendon had practically begged Ryan to see a doctor, but Ryan refused. Eventually it got to the point where he couldn't even get out of bed by himself, and Brendon knew he had to do something. So Brendon made a doctor's appointment for Ryan, and hoped that he could somehow get his stubborn, doctor fearing boyfriend there. Well, they never did go to that appointment, as two days before, Brendon ended up driving Ryan to the emergency room instead.
It was a rainy Wednesday afternoon and Ryan hadn't felt well enough to have Brendon help him get to their living room couch that day, so he was in bed. Or at least, Brendon thought he was. Brendon was reading by the giant bay window facing out over the lake by their house, although, it was hard for him to focus on reading when he was too busy worrying about Ryan. He'd closed his book and was about to head into their bedroom to keep Ryan company when he heard a crash and a loud curse from the bedroom. In an instant, he was in the room, helping Ryan off the floor. A glass vase was shattered on the floor of their room, and a large chunk of it had lodged itself into Ryan's pale arm. Ryan insisted that he was fine and that Brendon was overreacting by taking him to the E.R., but Brendon would no longer listen to him. He got Ryan in the car and sped to the hospital as fast as he could.
And now he's here. Given the devastating news that Ryan, his Ryan, the absolute love of his life, has the late stages of mature B-cell acute lymphocytic leukemia. How was he supposed to deal with this? It just wasn't fair. One of the few good things to ever happen to him and it might be taken away. He and Ryan had made a good life together. They had plans, they were going to travel, get married, go on an amazing honeymoon to somewhere new. Would that all be cut short? Why did this have to happen to them? They didn't deserve this. They'd fought so hard to have everything they did now and they'd finally made it and reached their goals. No, this couldn't be happening. It all had to be some sort of bad dream. Brendon had dreams like this sometimes, dreams he woke up from screaming, dreams where he lost the only thing that mattered the most to him, Ryan.
Come on Brendon, he thought, pinching his arm, hard. Wake up, this is all a bad dream, and when you wake up, Ryan will be there next to you, healthy and strong again. Wake. up.
"Mr. Urie?" A doctor interrupted his thoughts. Brendon opened his eyes.
"Yes?" he answered anxiously.
"You can go see him now, if you want. He'll probably be drowsy though, we have him on some painkillers." Brendon brushed past the doctor and had to stop himself from running to Ryan's room. He stopped outside the door. Painkillers. Brendon didn't want to think that Ryan had been in pain and trying to hide it so that he wouldn't worry. He took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping inside and then quickly shutting it. Ryan's skinny frame looked small amongst the hospital bedsheets and the many pillows he was propped up on. His eyes were closed, so Brendon moved as quietly as possible to the chair by the side of his bed and sat down, silent tears he'd been containing now starting to run down his face. His eyes closed, and the room was silent except for the steady beeping of a heart monitor by the side of Ryan's bed. Brendon heard the quiet shifting of bedsheets and looked up. Ryan's eyes were open and he was looking at him.
"Hey sweetheart," he croaked.
"Hey," Brendon said, sniffling. Ryan reached over and brushed away Brendon's tears, lifting his chin at the same time.
"Please don't cry, please, Brendon, just don't. I'll be fine, you know. This is just another bump in the road. I'll get better, and then we can do everything we planned and even more." Ryan looked into the sad eyes of his boyfriend.
"B-but the doctor, he-he said that you don't have much of a chance and that-"
"Well the doctor doesn't know everything, now does he? And he never said that I definitely wouldn't survive, did he? I'll make it through this, I promise. I'm not ready to leave you just yet." Ryan gently took Brendon's hand, and seeing the worry spark brighter in Brendon's eyes at his words, adds on,
"I'll never be ready to leave you, babe, you know that." Ryan's eyes drooped slightly. Brendon saw that he was getting tired and started to get up. Ryan gripped his hand tighter and mumbled,
"Please don't go," his words starting to slur together. Ryan's eyes closed completely, his head falling to the side, all of his energy draining out of him at once. So Brendon didn't go. He stayed by Ryan, unable to sleep, just holding his hand until morning.