Pretend.

Chapter 1: Stage-life

Friday, July 4th, 2008. The day of my big concert. I was psyched. It was my first concert of the year since i had been up to my neck in filming movies and tv shows and to be honest,i missed being on stage, I loved every minute of it, seeing the fans and singing my heart out. It was an escape from reality. A change of atmosphere. It was so nerve racking and out of my comfort zone but fucking exhilarating at the same time.

It was 10:30am and the concert started around 6:00-6:30 this evening but i had to get there earlier for the last minute tech runs and rehearsals. So i got up, got myself in the shower and rushed a little bit to get ready. I put on a white, long sleeved top and put one of my favourite black oversized t-shirts over it and paired it with my blue, extremely baggy jeans with my favourite pair of black nike trainers. I topped off my fit with some bracelets, a silver chain and a ring for each finger. I packed all my stuff up, since we were leaving for a hotel that was closer to the venue, and i separately packed a change of clothes and some perfume and cream in a different bag, like always, to keep myself fresh throughout my concert. I left my hotel room walked downstairs and hopped in my mini van, without anyone seeing me. Thank fuck for that.

It was about an hour's drive to the venue, and so i put my earphones in and listened to some music along the way. Since i was staying in LA and my concert was an hour away from my Hotel, I watched the beaches and the trees. They always brought me peace. My favourite song started playing and i got really into it before i got a message which switched my music off. The message was from Bill Kaulitz.

Bill Kaulitz, alongside Georg Listing and Gustav Schäfer, has been my best friend for around 12 years. We met when i moved to Germany with my aunt and i attended the same school as them. However, i had to leave around the age of 13 to move back to the states. We kept in contact but it wasn't the same, i missed being able to see them and hang out with them in person and not via phone.

Bill's twin brother, Tom on the other hand, was a total pain in my ass. I disliked him so much since the moment i met him and the feeling was mutual, he hated my guts. Despite us not liking each other, we never once gave the others an ultimatum or made them choose between one of us because that is just stupid. So whenever we'd see each other, we never spoke and just avoided one another without making it awkward for the others and if we did speak, well then that just meant we were arguing. I couldn't stand him and he couldn't stand me and we decided to keep it that way.

Anyways, i opened the message from Bill and it was a picture of him in-front of a plane with the message underneath saying 'just landed x'. I assumed they had landed in Croatia, since Bill told me they were touring, and so i replied with 'glad you landed safely, nearly at venue will message later x' and he replied with 'let me know how the concert goes, love you, bye x' and i replied with an i love you too and got on with listening to my music. I wished they would've been able to come but Bill said it landed on their tour day so they couldn't make it. I really missed them. I would sometimes have these days where i would dwell on the fact i'm unable to see them and concert days were one of them.

After a while, it was around 12:15 pm and we had finally arrived at the destination and i got out of my mini van and immediately went and got some food. I was starving. I think i may have eaten a bit too much because that lunch had me stuffed. The type of 'if i even smell another piece of food, i will violently throw up' kind of stuffed. I chilled out for a bit, went to do a couple rehearsals and then went to nap until the concert started. I went to the room backstage, laid myself on the couch, put my earphones in my phone and fell asleep. I always napped before performances, it helped my nerves.

Fast forward to the concert. I got up and got my hair topped off before going on stage. I didn't put make-up on today since i've worn it everyday this past week and i wanted a break from it. Though part of me wished i put it on, i felt more confident with my makeup on. Anyways, I got wired up, put my earpiece in and waited for my song to come on to enter the stage. After a couple minutes, it was my time to shine. I walked out on stage and sung my heart out. The crowd cheered and chanted and sung along with me and it always got me so hyped. I invited a fan onto the stage and we sung a part of my song together and as i looked down to my left, i saw someone i recognised. 'No, it can't be, there's no way' i thought to myself but i looked away shook it off and continued to sing.

I found myself from time to time, glancing over at this mystery person. They looked so familiar, and it was annoying how i couldn't quite put my finger on who it was or where i knew them from so i tried to distract myself by moving to another's part of the stage. After i finished all my songs, I stayed and talked to the fans for a bit and then left stage and saw the VIPS there waiting for pictures and autographs. I took pictures with all of them and signed every single thing they wanted signed. The concert had went on for around 3-4 hours so i was quite tired. It was now 10:45 pm and all i wanted to was sig down and chill.

I got to the little room i fell asleep in earlier and one of my tech guys came to talk to me. He congratulated me on my performance and i thanked him. I unlocked the door and walked in and turned on my light but i was met with the biggest shock ever.

"No way" i whispered, placing my hand over my mouth, "No fucking way"