Bangchan ~
We've been on the plane for nearly 4 hours. Lee Know went to sleep two hours ago. I was trying to kill time, but nothing piqued my interest. Only one person comes to mind at the end of every thought. I've turned around an infinite number of times to look for him. I.N has caught me at least ten times. Hyunjin is sound asleep. He looks stunning. I want to be with you again. I'm not sure how to do it. But I am aware of my dependence on you. I'm scared that I will never be able to experience your warmth again. I keep asking myself, Why can't I just go back to you? I want to be by your side. I want to hear your voice. I'm missing you, baby. I'm missing us.
"You love him so much! I've never seen you that desperate before."
I jump a little in panic, breaking free from my thoughts. I take a peek at Lee Know. He's holding my wallet and staring at a picture of Hyunjin that I've kept in there. I yank it away from him.
"How did you get my wallet?" I ask, ignoring eye contact.
"How did you fall so hard, Hyung?" He asks.
"I'm not sure. I lost all senses after seeing Hyunjin in a romantic light. When I regained consciousness, I was already in love with him." I look at him.
"But this time I've lost him forever." I say it with sadness covering my eyes.
"When you want something, you fight and win. Even if it means fighting with that only person." Lee Know says.
"But what can I do?" I look at him helplessly.
"Exactly my question, Hyung, what can you do for him?" He asks like he's taking a test of some kind.
"I don't know. Never thought about that."
"I'll tell you: When it comes to winning Hyunjin back, you have the ability to become a person who is not you."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Jisung told me Hyunjin's side of the story. The day when you shouted at him because you thought he was in a relationship with Changbin."
"But that was unacceptable of me. I'm guilty of that behaviour."
"Of course, you are. Because that's not you. When Jisung told me about the events, you hurt Hyunjin, you tugged his hair and kissed him forcibly. This is not you. Not the Bangchan I'm familiar with. You are the soft, chocolatey hero of a rom-com movie. This is some dark romance with psychopathic elements."
"I'm still not getting the point."
"My point is, if you want Hyunjin back, you can descend into a deep Abyss of darkness and become someone you're not even close to. That indicates you'll go to any lengths to get him back. It does not mean that I'm telling you to turn into a monster. But I'm trying to help you see how much power you have to bring him back into your life. Don't give up hope. He still loves you, but he's dissatisfied and upset with you. Love will calm him down. I'm confident you'll both find a way out. Fighting."
I gaze at him, taken aback. I never pay attention to such minor details. I was concerned about how I would reclaim Hyunjin. What can I offer him? But he's correct. When it comes to Hyunjin, I transform into a completely different person; I will do everything for him. Basically, anything. I'm willing to die or commit murder for him. I need him to be with me. I will appease him. I'm sure he wants me too. I know it's unhealthy for me to be that desperate. This feeling of desperation and willingness to go to extreme lengths to be with the other person is often based on deeply entrenched beliefs about our self-worth and the worthiness of love. It can come from past relationships that have gone awry, a fear of being alone, or a fear of not being good enough. This creates a situation where we are so desperate to be loved that we are willing to compromise ourselves and our values, and that can lead to unhealthy dynamics in the relationship. However, this toxicity is the foundation of our unity. We cannot leave each other alone. Never. Even if it means sacrificing our true identity in order to find love. Even though we are required to become one, we are not. It doesn't matter if this is referred to as obsession rather than love. We're meant to be.
I turn around to face Hyunjin. He has awoken. He's sipping an Americano. He stares at me as if he senses a glare coming his way. I smile, a determined expression on my face. He seemed unclear and scared. Hyunjin's reaction indicates anxiety. His expression and behaviour suggest that he is worried about what I will say or do. I will win you back, Hyunjin. I will show you that I am capable of being the man you need me to be. I will prove to you that I am more than just the person you thought I was. I will show you that I can change and that I am worth your time and love. I won't give up. I will keep fighting. I will make you proud.
It's okay to fear my love, baby; I know it's nasty. And I can't help it. I am like this, especially when it comes to you, Hyunzales!
•
We walk into the house where we will be staying. Our staff reserved a 4-bedroom bungalow for us. It contains a swimming pool, a gym, a game room, a library, and a playground. It's stunning. The staff requests that we choose rooms for two people each. I turn around and instruct them to select their partner. I.N and Seungmin, Lee Know and Felix, and Changbin and Jisung all stand together, leaving me and Hyunjin alone. Hyunjin stares at them as if he's been scammed.
"These would be our pairings." Lee Know says.
So Lee Know came up with that idea. Hyunjin walks into our room without saying anything. I say thank you to Lee Know, and he winks back. The moment I walk into the room, Hyunjin lines up pillows between our bed. It's obvious that Hyunjin doesn't want to share the room with me, and he's trying to create a physical boundary between us. I chuckle to myself, appreciating Hyunjin's attempt to create a barrier between us. He's too adorable.
"This was your plan, all over?" He asks.
"No, baby, I have nothing to do with this, I swear."
"Don't call me that." He throws an attitude and walks into the restroom to freshen up.
It's like I'm trying to impress a crush all over again. But I'm an expert in this, aren't I? Yeah, I'm like Picasso of awkward flirting!
I'm resting in our bed as he walks out. I gaze at him, his hair wet and his body draped in a dripping bathrobe. He stands in front of the mirror, adjusting his hair.
"You look like a painting." He looks at me through the mirror, rolls his eyes, and continues his work.
I take out my phone and click his picture through the mirror. He turns around after noticing the flashlight.
"Have some manners; at least ask for consent. I'm not even wearing any clothes." He taunts.
"I'm really sorry. You are, however, caught with a pervert. I have no control over my habits. And as for the part where you said, you're without clothes, I believe I have quite a collection of that if you want to look..." I forward my cell phone.
"Stop! Stop flirting and using these cheap tactics. That's not going to work for me."
I stand up and approach him. I'm just behind him. I crouch down and remove his hair from the side of his neck. I snuggle my face into his neck and smell his skin, his body. He doesn't push me away from him. He does, however, have an irritating expression. I straighten up to face him.
"What are you doing?" He asks as he turns around.
"Just taking the daily dose of my drug." I smirk. I know he loves it when I flirt. He pushes me aside and marches forward, ignoring me.
While I'm getting ready to take a bath, he organizes his clothing in the closet. In the midst of all of this, I need to finish a song. It's the last song on our upcoming album. And we have to decide where we are going to go tonight. A lot of work. But I'm tenacious, and I'm confident that I can manage anything.
YOU ARE READING
Toxic | HyunChan
Fanfiction"I should have never loved you." "Tch! Like you ever did?" "I loved you, okay. I still do. Don't you ever question my love." "Why shouldn't I? What have you done to keep us together? In fact, you were so desperate to break up. What's the point of a...
