Murder Mystery - H.S

33*

Understanding that our love meant the world to us and that we were solely for each other. I miss the feeling of having someone understand me and my fucked-up head. To love someone so passionately that it drives me insane and causes my heart to want to burst.

Sometimes I wish I could relive that feeling, but then I think about how painful it is to watch them go and do nothing but watch while your entire world collapses around you.

That heaviness and emptiness in my heart, no matter the drugs, alcohol, or sex I had, didn't go away.

The empty feeling of not having anyone to talk to when I had a bad day or simply wanted to talk to someone. Kiss them and let them know how I feel.

If one day I can't love someone the way I loved Mariana, it's okay; I don't deserve it. Mariana will always be a memory—a girl I once loved.

I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve to fall in love once more or experience that annoying sensation of having butterflies in my stomach.

Even with her wonderful qualities, I still remember the awful things she did to me, including how she made me feel and how she abandoned me and her children—the children she wanted.

After feeding these illusions into my head, Mariana told me she couldn't wait till we were older to try again, to keep our promises to Ethan, and to start a family.

We started it, but she was gone. She left me, and that's a pain I'll always carry.

As much as I wish this didn't happen, it did, so Ethan stays in the past. I wish I didn't have to talk about Ethan, but he's important and would've come up one way or another.

I got a second chance to create a family, even if it wasn't with the woman I wanted. I'm doing it for Ethan, even if I'm the only one.

But every day is a promise to do better for my daughters—to get home to them every night safe and kiss them goodnight even if they're sleeping, so they're sure they're saved, loved, and valued.

one day at a time

Arriving at the casino, I parked in my parking space. Getting out of my car and heading straight to the bar. If I was going to do this tonight, I needed some alcohol in my system.

"Mr. Styles, how can I help you?"

I muttered, pressing my fingers against the table, straining my jaw as I glanced around the crowded casino on a late November Friday, thinking, "The usual."

The man nods before turning to prepare my drink. I knew the woman I was supposed to seduce was here. Hopefully, somewhere near and not in her hotel room.

As the drink was placed on the counter, my eyes landed on the woman—she looked just like the picture Zayn sent me. I unlocked my phone and looked over our chat.

And it was indeed her. She was laughing, holding onto her drink, as the table gathered around to play craps. Gulping down my drink, I got up from my seat and walked over towards them before it was too late, securing my position in a game,

I glance over at the woman, and our eyes meet—her red lips roll into a smirk, her cheeks tinting into a light shade of pink.

All bets were settled as I sat down on the table, grabbing the roll of the dice. Aliyaah, the girl I'm supposed to somehow sleep with, makes her way toward me after meeting my eyes again.

I mumbled, "Blow," and she rolled her smile into a smirk. Aliyaah leans forward and blows air into my hands, and my thoughts flew to Juliet.

This was exactly how we first met. Aliyaah walked around until she is behind me, bending down until her lips brush across my ears.