forgotten desires || anthony bridgerton

CHAPTER 3

Ayera sat in her father's study working out the property papers. When she first came across the finances accounts, shock had befriended her at the sheer amount of debt they were under. And her father's death had left her and her mother in an even worse state of affairs. Her fingers trembled involuntarily as she wrote out yet another helpless letter for a loan, blotting the paper useless. She crumpled it and threw it under the table to join its other comrades. She couldn't do this. Even luck had turned the other away at their grim state. There was no other option, she had to sell their estate. She breathed a ragged sigh and leaned in her chair. She just wanted to curl up by the fire and mourn her father. But life had other plans for her.

One of the maids barged into the study, her breaths haggard and tone urgent. "It's your mother Miss!"

Ayera climbed the stairs to her mother's chamber and opened the door to find her mother thrashing around things in an extremely distraught state. Ayera wanted to scream. Instead, she went towards her, dodging a showpiece carved into a horse hurled across the room.

"Mother, it's me, it's Ayera, it's alright." She tried to soothe her down freeing a flower vase from her grip and handing it to the maid.

"You wait outside, I'll take care." Like always.

Whitney Blaic clung to her daughter desperately while howls kept leaving her mouth. Ayera rubbed her back in comforting motions.

"I miss him so much," her mother managed out.

"I know mother, I know." I miss him too.

After making sure she would stay sober for some time and posting two maids outside her room, Ayera made her way to her room. Then closing the door behind her and clicking the lock in place, she let herself fall to her knees against it, allowing herself to be vulnerable. Something she sorely deprived herself of. Tears dabbed her cheeks wet as she rocked back and forth cradling herself. She had lost her father to disease and now was losing her mother to grief. If she hadn't already. But if she even had a sliver of a chance of saving her, she was not letting it go. Her mother would rot here in her grief without any kin, any loved one. After all, isolation is grief's dearest friend. When they moved here ten years ago, they had left everyone behind- their extended family, their friends, their repute, Anthony. Anthony. Her breathing quickened at his thought.

10 years ago

Ayera sat in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. Many suitors were going to call upon her today after being declared the diamond of the season. She was coming up with creative ways to refuse every proposal when she heard her window being pried open from outside.

Not sparing a glance in the direction, she said, "Anthony I told you I could not join you on the hunt today. In case you forget there is a line of gentlemen-"

She turned her face to see Anthony shuddering against the wall of her bedroom. She dropped the brush to the floor and went to him.  "Anthony? Hey? Are you fine?"

From closer she could see fresh tears flowing down his already tearstained face. And his muteness did not help.

Panic gripped her as she shook him by his shoulders and whispered, "Anthony what happened?"

He just collapsed in her arms and sobbed uncontrollably in them. Ayera did not move until his sobs quietened. Witnessing Anthony so hurt and broke, watching tears coat his skin for the first time in the ten years she'd known him was morbidly unsettling her but she just held him tight. In a way she had never before.

After what seemed like half an hour, Ayera spoke softly, "will you tell me now?"

"He died," his voice cracked. "My father." Anthony's jaw tensed as he spoke those words.

"Antho-how?"

At that, a dry chuckle left his lips. "A bee," he smiled. "And oh you should have seen my mother, she was just spectacular. I have lost her Aze. I have lost her too. I am the Viscount now with six siblings and a ghost of a mother to take care of."

Ayera tried to say something but couldn't find any words ready to be blurted out. What do you say to a person in such a state? Oh I am so sorry you lost your father to something as insignificant as a bee and now have to sacrifice your freedom and childhood in order to run an entire house at the age of 19. Also sorry for your mother. I am sure it must hurt?

And they remained like that, a nauseating grave silence hanging in the air above them, for hours until her mother came into her room and started chastising her about the impatient men downstairs when her gaze fell on Anthony.

That day sped like a blur to her as men talked of vain brags and sense of self hoping to charm her in the process. But Ayera only thought of Anthony and the look of excruciating pain on his face as he bawled in her arms. Not a single gentleman had managed to secure her attention nor her time for themselves.

***

Anthony's words came fresh to her memory as if they were spoken yesterday and not a decade ago. And oh you should have seen my mother, she was just spectacular. I have lost her Aze. I have lost her too. I am the Viscount now with six siblings and a ghost of a mother to take care of.

Funny how that day she wasn't there to help Anthony with his loss, but to brace herself for the future. Perhaps reuniting with familiar faces could be the cure to her mother's despair. And besides, they had nowhere to live now. Atleast back in London they have a home with family living in it. But still her mind tried to diverge for better escapes from this situation in order not to face Anthony again, with a Viscountess on his arm. Oh she loathed him. She loathed him so ardently. She feared what she might do to him in his presence. She always knew she had some potential at murder. But as the rational part of her brain took hold and found no better options, she called for her maid to let her know to make preparations for London.