Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

1976: The Deal

I wake up bleary-eyed and sore. My limbs are heavy with fatigue, and my eyelids feel swollen. I blink a few times before I sit up from bed, looking around myself.

I am still in the boys' bedroom. Peter is buried beneath his blankets, James is snoring open-mouthed on his bed, and Sirius is curled up at the very end of his bed, his long legs hanging off the side. Because he was making room for me. Remus' bed is empty.

I rub sleep from my eyes and drop one leg off Sirius' bed, toes meeting the cluttered floor. I don't know what does it—the movement, the soft rustle of sheets—but Sirius jolts slightly, eyes coming open already on me.

"Sorry," I murmur and slide off his bed. I can tell he's still half-asleep from the way he looks at me, the way his hair is tousled.

"You okay?" he finally asks, his voice thick with sleep.

"Yeah, I just thought..."

Sirius doesn't say anything as he props himself on his elbows to look at me better. He looks beautiful this morning, eyes shining, skin pale, lips pink. I try to look away but I can't, so we just look at each other for a moment, both of us silent.

"You don't have to go," he says quietly. "I can sleep on the floor if that—"

"That's not the problem," I respond.

"What is?" he asks and sits up fully.

"Nothing is. I'm just—I thought maybe I should go back to my room."

"I thought you wanted to talk about last night," he whispers.

"I do, but..." I gesture to the two boys sleeping.

Sirius presses his lips together before pushing himself out of bed and grabbing my arm gently. He pulls me out of the dormitory, and I am too tired to protest. I try to look over my shoulder at James and Peter to make sure they're still asleep, but a crick in my neck has me thinking twice. I wince.

Once we're outside the bedroom, Sirius faces me and says, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Everything," I say. "I want to talk about how long we were in our forms, the tunnels, the way Remus reacted, and the walk back. I want to talk about whether we helped. I—" I look over when another student passes by us, my neck twinging. I hiss and set my hand over the knot, looking back to Sirius. "I just wanted to talk about how incredible this thing that we've done is."

"Are you hurt?"

"And," I continue, ignoring his question, "I suppose I should also thank you for carrying me all the way back here, and I'm very sorry about getting you with my claws. I truly didn't mean to hurt you or anything; I just didn't want you to leave me all alone."

"Of course. You know I would do anything for you, don't you, Sunshine? Are you sore?"

"No, I'm fine," I lie instinctively, dropping my hand to my side. "Do you think we helped?"

"We'll have to wait until Moony is upright and clear-headed to know," Sirius says. "Turn around."

"What? Why? No."

"Just turn around," he chides and sets his hands on my shoulders, guiding me to face away from him. I scowl even though I know he can't see my face, but I can't help the way I tense up when his hands rest on my shoulders, thumbs pressed against my neck. "Where does it hurt?"

"Are you going to try and give me a massage right now, Sirius Black?" I demand, trying to look at him over my shoulder. I falter when the twinge of pain reappears. "That move's not going to work on me."

"It's not a move on you," he snaps. "Is it here?" he asks, pushing his thumb onto one of the many tender parts of my body. I don't respond, but the involuntary hitch of my breath says everything, and Sirius begins to massage the knot on my shoulder blade, thumbs pressing into my skin firmly. It hurts a little, but it also feels nice, so I decide to just sulk grumpily rather than argue with him about it.

"You handled everything really well last night," he says right as he slides his hands up. I sigh and let my eyes slide shut, gingerly rolling my neck.

"Better than you expected?"

"I knew you were going to do well," he says, not rising to my bait. "Obviously. But it wasn't easy for any of us, I don't think. It was exhausting and scary. But we all made it, and you deserve to hear that you did well after listening to my bullshit all throughout the process."

"Careful, Starboy, or I'll think you're actually trying to apologize to me." I bite down on my lip and squeeze my eyes shut as he finds another tender point, the pleasure from the massage quickly turning back into pain.

"Maybe I am," he responds. "Would that be so terrible?"

"Uncharacteristic for sure." He digs his fingers into my skin harder, and I jolt forward. "Ow!" I whip around and glare at him. Sirius doesn't say anything; he just sets his jaw and meets my gaze. "I'm going back to my room. Come and get me when Remus shows face."

"Wait," Sirius says, setting his hand on my arm. I yank it away but stop. "I think this should be a regular thing."

"You inflicting bodily harm on me?" I ask, running my hand over the dull throb from where his fingers dug into the base of my neck.

He sighs. "No, you staying in our room."

"What?"

"It just makes more sense that way," he says, tucking his hands in his pockets, his cheeks filling with color. "It will help us be sure that everyone is okay. We won't have to worry about your dumbass."

"I don't want to intrude on your sacred time alone with the others," I say. "I don't know what you all get up to in there and, frankly, I don't want to know. Plus, that's not a decision you can make for everyone."

"It's one night a month, Sunshine. Too scared to share a bed with me?"

"As if," I snap. 

"The others wouldn't care. And you don't have to sleep on my bed. Although it didn't seem to bother you all that much last night."

"I was too tired to make smart decisions. Had I been more awake, I would have definitely chosen Rem's bed. At least I know he's the only one who's regularly in it."

"You're constantly bringing up all the girls I've been with," Sirius says, his tone a little softer than before, "but have you ever seen me with one of them?"

"No, I don't make it a habit to stalk you, Starboy."

"Regardless, I think everyone would agree with me. Let's make a deal. One night a month, you stay with us so we can make sure everyone is okay. No more, no less."

I frown at him. I want to disagree just to spite him, but there is some sense in what he says. I want to be in their room after the full moon so I can see Rem when he gets back from the infirmary. If that means I have to deal with Sirius for a few hours more than usual, so be it. I can handle that.

"Deal."