The Last Avenger [What If...? x DCAMU Crossover]

21. I Get Trash Talked Before Christmas

Indiana Stark, A.K.A. Tony Stark's little sister, became the deadliest woman known to man.

And there came a day unlike any other, when Earth's Mightiest Heroes found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, she joined the Avengers.

This is what she does now that they're gone.

(Entersmug comment here.)

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Gotham City, Friday,
December 14, 2015

The rooftop was packed, even though it was well below freezing tonight. A steady snow was falling, and residents milled about, and the kids listen to the Babushka's tell tall tales about the old country or started snowball fights.

"Eat, American," I heard Yelena say to Simone. "It's not poison."

"Who said anything about poison?" I asked, coming over. Pretty soon, I had a cold bottle of vodka in my hand and beef stroganoff in the other.

It was a running joke. Anything Yelena said usually sounded mildly threatening because of her accent.

"Come on, take a fork. Eat. Eat," she said. "Please, my daddy says it's good for you."

With all the craziness I'd gone through yesterday, I had a huge appetite - breaking bones always did that. I dug in, trying to keep my Santa hat out of the bowl. In the month of December, the hat never came off.

Yelena loved American Christmases. The tree, the super-powered reindeer, Rudolph the crack addict. It was her first Christmas in the states, so Simone and I were giving her the rundown on the traditions and festivities to do in Gotham. Simone had been in Gotham longer than any of us, so she knew all the things to do.

"Have you ever eaten reindeer?" Yelena asked.

Simone shook her head. "Cannot say I've had the pleasure. No."

Yelena laughed. "No, it is not a pleasure."

"No, it's, um really tough," I chipped in, and she nodded in agreement. "It's chewy. Mm, you have to braise it for a really long time."

"Oh, it going to be joyous Kwanzaa." Simone smiled, like she wondered what she'd got herself into.

I'd known my hallmates for a while now. I treated them like family - well I wished I could. I still had to keep them at arm's length. A joyous Kwanzaa indeed.

"Sup, Hoddie-Guy," said Aimee. She'd moved into the block just before me. She was a punk-rock kind of chick and always wears a ripped-up army, black leather trousers and chain jewellery. And with the bright pink hair and black eyeliner, she gave great evil looks when someone pissed her off. "What you talking about?"

"Kwanzaa," I said. "Just havin' one joyous-ass Kwanzaa."

"Word," she said. "You know there's guys down front with bats, right?"

I handed her my empty stroganoff bowl. "I'll deal with it."

>>>><<<<

I was a little offended to only find four guys standing out the front of the building.

I stepped out the front door and flung a trashcan lid at them. It knocked the bat out of one of the Tracksuit's hands. "Get the hell away from my building."

They said nothing. I suppose they were trying to look menacing, but it just annoyed me. "Did I not speak clearly enough for you? You think a guy in a Santa hat won't start something just because she was enjoying an early joyous Kwanzaa a minute ago?"