Wuckster's Multi-Genre Smackdown Collection

Beyond the Edge

 My friend Gary fell off the edge of the world on Tuesday. He was goofing around on a bunch of rocks, waving his arms and shouting "Hey everybody! Look at me! Look at me!" Then he lost his balance and tumbled right off the Earth.

Everyone knows the world is flat, but nobody's sure what lies beyond the edge. When Gary never came back, a bunch of the guys decided they wanted to find out where he went. Eddie brought a big coil of rope from his garage and Stuart found a light you could wear strapped around your head. Frankie's mom made a bunch of baloney sandwiches and I pitched in with a couple boxes of apple juice.

Eddie tied one end of the rope around the biggest boulder near where Gary fell. At first we thought about just tossing the other end over the edge and all of us would scale down, but then Stuart said maybe we should just tie it around one of us and the rest of the guys could lower him down and pull him back up. Stuart's in the advanced reading class at school, so he's a pretty smart guy. It seemed like a good idea to listen to him.

Since I was the smallest and lightest I got chosen to be lowered over the edge. I'm not going to lie, it made me kind of nervous. My hands were wet and my mouth was dry, which is pretty much the opposite of how things should be. I drank some apple juice to calm my nerves and then I gave them the nod and the next thing I knew I was dangling in open space as I went over the edge.

All I could see was blackness, so I switched on my headlamp, but it didn't help much. I could see the side of the Earth, which was mostly dirt and rocks and only went for about fifteen feet before it stopped and then I could see the underside of the world. It was dusty and it looked like there were a lot of old boxes and junk stored down there. It reminded me of my grandma's attic.

I was getting pretty hungry by this point so I had a baloney sandwich while I pointed my headlamp down below me and shouted for Gary. I couldn't see anything and didn't hear any reply. It seemed like we had reached the end of the rope. I couldn't go down any further and it didn't seem like there was anything there anyway.

I felt pretty silly just hanging there like an idiot, so I tugged on the rope and the guys pulled me back up. I wish I could say more about what's out there, but unless you know somebody who's got a longer rope, it's going to remain a mystery.

We never did find Gary, but I threw an extra baloney sandwich out over the edge in case he gets hungry out there. Hopefully he gets it.

In the meantime some government guy put up a little rickety fence at the edge and a Caution sign, which I bet will save a lot of lives in the long run. So at least some good came from all of this.