Future Ghosts • TWD

94. Cognitive Dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance. That must've been what he was experiencing. He had morals, and he hated himself for going against them, but he went against them, anyway. He needed to make a choice. He needed to choose who he was going to be, but he wouldn't. Because he wanted to have his power, but he also wanted to have Rosie. He couldn't have both, but he wouldn't choose between them.

"Did... did you go to Alexandria with Carl?" Rosie spoke up, snapping Negan out of his thoughts. She had been worrying about Carl. Negan obviously wasn't there when Daryl escaped, and Carl must've gone with him. "Is he ok?"

"Carl's fine. I took him back, made him spaghetti. Met the baby," Negan said. He positioned himself to lean against the wall, and Rosie scooted away from him, even though she wasn't particularly close to him in the first place.

"She ok, too?" Rosie asked, her eyes wide.

"What, you think I'd hurt a baby?" Negan asked with disbelief. Rosie almost told him that she didn't know what he'd do, but instead, she just kept her mouth shut. "You think I'm a monster. I know. I've killed people, you've killed people. But neither of us are monsters."

Rosie didn't have the guts to argue with him. "Was Ian there?" she asked, switching the subject back to Negan and Carl's trip to Alexandria. Negan's eyebrows pinched together, showing that he didn't know what she was talking about. "He's a little bit taller than me and he's got curly hair. Brown curly hair," Rosie elaborated quickly.

"Sorry, kid. I have no idea who the hell you're talking about. He wasn't there," Negan said, shaking his head a little.

Ian wasn't there? Where else could he be? He lost Maggie and Glenn. Who else would he stick with? Carol? He stayed with her after the prison fell. No, but Carol was missing. Maybe he went out to find her. No, he wasn't stupid. He wouldn't do that. You don't know what he'll do now. After everyone he lost, Rosie reminded herself, her heartbeat picking up at the thought of Ian out there on his own. He was her best friend, she'd say. He couldn't be another name on the list.

"What about everyone else?" Rosie asked, her voice quiet.

"Well, Olivia definitely had a bad day. A bad last day," Negan said. Rosie's face scrunched up, and she bit down hard on her lip. Abraham, Glenn, Maggie, Olivia. Olivia who let Rosie count the cans as many times as she wanted. Olivia who was nice to Rosie even after she threw a rock at her window. "But, that was Rosita's doing. Rosita tried to shoot me, shot Lucille instead, so Arat shot Olivia. It didn't need to happen. But it's not my fault that it did."

"Yes, it is. You- you started all of this. You-" Rosie cut herself off, growling at herself in frustration as she felt a new lump form in her throat. She turned away from Negan, looking at the wall instead.

"You know what, Banks? You just reminded me of something," Negan said cheerfully. He stood back up, a smile on his face. Rosie stayed on the ground, not looking at him. "Sorry. Not Banks. I've got something to show you," Negan said. He held his hand down in front of Rosie's face, offering to help her up. Rosie ignored his offer and stood up without his help. He grabbed Lucille again and walked out of the cell. Rosie stayed where she was, confused, until Negan put his hand on her shoulder and made her follow him out into the hall.

"Where're ya takin' me?" Rosie asked warily, her stomach starting to hurt.

"To see someone."

"Who?"

"Eugene," Negan answered. Rosie's eyebrows furrowed. Eugene? What the hell was Eugene doing in this place? She didn't want to be rude, but Eugene? He didn't exactly have the brawn that Negan seemed to be looking for. He did, however, have the brains. Maybe that was why he was there. "You know why I like Eugene?" Negan asked. Rosie didn't say anything. "I like how easily he's adapted. You know what he told me earlier today?" Still, Rosie didn't say anything. "He told me that he's Negan. After one day! See, Eugene gets it. He understands that I am here to help him."