Same Difference [A Queer Nigerian Experience]

ARC ONE: 1 | HOPELESS ROMANTIC

"Na those ones wey don chop breakfast too much dey turn lesbians."

"Why woman go run away from gbola?"

They chimed in with their opinions.

I plugged in my ears with earphones, and cranked up the volume to drown out the ignorant homophobic comments. I couldn't tolerate their senseless chatter any longer. I tuned out their voices, but I stopped the music when I noticed the boy who had insulted Prudence was about to speak.

"It's not like I body shame, it's just that as a woman why you no go get flat tummy?" The boy seemed convinced he had made a point.

I mentally face palmed myself. Sewa, although having a flat tummy, was also annoyed. I attempted to intervene by placing my hand on hers to soothe her, but when the other boys began echoing the same sentiment, there was no stopping Sewa's reaction, especially on such matters.

Sewa straightened her glasses and politely raised her hand to get the boy's attention. "excuse me, sorry, so as she doesn't have flat tummy, she's no longer a woman?"

The boy appeared somewhat intimidated as he attempted to clarify his statement to Sewa. I quietly prayed for him because once Sewa got started, there was no turning back, and she was clearly ready to obliterate him. It was one of the reasons I had become friends with her - her ability to eloquently express herself and stand firm in her beliefs.

"No. no. no. All of you drag women whenever they don't meet your impossible body standards, and before you say  'Don't I have standards too?' I do! But I don't mock you for not meeting them," Sewa declared, locking eyes with him, which elicited laughter from everyone, including the other boys who had supported his stance.

Prudence looked up at Sewa with a smile, and I noticed other girls were also staring and smiling. It felt a bit awkward to have so many people looking in my direction, so I focused on Sewa and smiled in return to avoid making eye contact with anyone else. Sewa turned her attention back to her book, adjusting her glasses as if she hadn't just completely shut down someone.

Later on, Prudence announced that the class had been canceled, which left me feeling disappointed. Students began to exit the lecture hall, and a long, crowded line formed toward the gate. Sewa and I decided to wait in our seats. She was occupied with retying her locs into a ponytail and adjusting her black shirt to conceal her ebony toned midriff. While I momentarily took my eyes off her, I continued scanning the departing crowd, hoping to spot Kennedy among the few people who didn't squeeze themselves like sardines near the door. Unfortunately, I couldn't find him, and eventually, I had to leave, knowing I wouldn't be able to see him.
...

During the late hours of the night, I was at the pre-degree hall on campus 2 with Sewa. The hall was eerily quiet, with only a few other people like us present for some serious studying. We chose seats a few rows from the back, and we could easily see the numerous empty seats in front of us, thanks to the hall's design, which lacked the stair-like arrangement found in lecture theatres. This hall was noticeably smaller compared to the lecture theatres.

I was assisting Sewa with trigonometry while also trying to grasp the concept myself when I spotted Kennedy entering the hall. He chose a seat at the front alongside a girl. I had only seen him in person once before we started texting, and now, seeing him in the flesh after getting to know him, he appeared even more handsome. Although I couldn't discern all of his features clearly from where I was seated, I could make out his faint mustache against his fair skin and his impeccable dimples. Sewa noticed my distraction and asked, "Ehis? Who's that?" Before I could respond, she had already figured out that it was Kennedy.

I had a strong urge to approach him, but I couldn't just leave Sewa behind. The idea of sending him another text crossed my mind, but I hesitated, fearing that he might ignore a third message, which would devastate me. I started to contemplate what could be the reason for his sudden silence. Maybe I was the problem? I realized that I had never shared much about myself; I had kept so much hidden. He only knew my name, and I hadn't even shown him my face on Grindr. But deep down, I knew I wasn't the problem. I wasn't the one struggling with internalized homophobia; he was. That was probably why he ended things when it started to get serious.