I Don't Need You

Chapter 43- Two of Hearts

"Yeah. I-I would." I say quietly feeling so scared to talk louder about it. Sam swallows, still looking upset and sighs.

"Even if I've drank demon blood? Believed one over everything else? Betrayed those I've loved and took crap methods to fix it? Been the cause of-of a mass murder in the bunker and couldn't save a single soul? Been possessed and-and beaten, lied and-" he gets so lost in his own and I reach tilting his chin up so he'll look at me.

"Sam, hey, hey, Baby, shh, look at me...easy, easy there, take a breath." I watch him try and I shake my head slowly, "Again. Long, slow, deep breath." I coach and he does a little better but swallows back tears.

"Sorry..." He softly says as if I've scolded him.

"No, Sam, don't be sorry. You've done nothing to have to apologize to me. Baby, I-" I pause finding the right words that won't come off as insensitive, "I'm not new to your history. You gotta remember what my job was for a while. I've heard about how hard it's been. And I'm not- before you even go there, I'm not here to pity you, or even entertain that you're some shitshow needy little boy. You, are Sam fucking Winchester. The man who saved the world with his brother. The-the man that saved his legacy and took to renaming the Men of Letters as more than just. You, took on, Lucifer, Baby and won. I don't care about your mistakes as a man with nowhere to go when he wasn't alright with the world. I don't give a fuck about your exes and-and the stupid, fucking, legends about your mishaps or how many women you've slept with. That does not define, you, Sam. Your mistakes do not define you. It's what you do with them that does, it's how you pick yourself back up that does. You're strong, intelligent, caring, you have heart and follow it, you're quick witted and an amazing shot. You're brave, and yet also vulnerable and that's beautiful to me..." I sniffle and wipe my eyes as I get choked up, "You're beautiful, to me, Sam Winchester. I love you, you big idiot, stop saying awful things and let me accept my own dumb feelings that I wanna marry into one of the most chaotic families I've ever heard of, okay?!" He's crying with me as I lean in and kiss him just to pour more of my love into him.

Sam breaks it with a sob and I have him sit up so I can hug him tight around his neck as I kneel on my knees. I cradle his head as he nuzzles into my neck while wrapping his arms around me tight. "I love you, I love you, I love you, Sam. My beautiful hunter. My protector and my savior. I'm in love with you my sweet beautiful man. You're everything to me and I'm gonna tell your stupid head every day how wonderful you are until you're sick of me! Then I'm gonna leave irritating love notes where you'll find them when you leave me for weeks on hunts so we can be safe and keep being together. And then-" I was going to go on and on until I got that precious man to laugh at least once.

"Okay! Okay, okay..." he chuckles, still crying a little and shakes his head as he pulls back to look into my eyes. "You..." he tries to take a shaky breath as he talks, "y-you-u-u...are..." he purses his lips as I rest my hands on his chest only to feel him grip them in his and press his lips to them. He sobs against my knuckles and I chew my lip after barely whispering to him, "fuck, w-hy c-ant I d-do this n-now?!" He shivers and I sink to press my forehead against his.

"Don't force yourself...relax...I'm not going anywhere..." I talk him through another hiccup fit and he swallows trying again. He grips my hands tighter and keeps his lips close to them as he speaks.

"Y-ouu-are s-o much m-more than-just m-my lioness-s..." he sniffles hard and keeps pushing, "you-u protec-ted me th-at nigh-t and I- c-ouldn..." I realize his guilt has been silently eating him alive over this and it's now that it comes all out, "Baby I couldn't save you! I couldn...t...you were so b-roken...and-and all I d-id was selfishly walk-away, I should've drove us back, I should've talked to you I SHOULD'VE LOOKED AT WHAT WAS IN FRONT OF ME IN INDY AT YET..." He's so mad at himself and it feels like the ultimate need for forgiveness rather than expressing his love further...he sobs into our hands and I kiss and nose his hair letting him let it out. "Y-ou for-gave m-e...I've been s-elfish a-nd stupid and- you l-ove me enough to under-fucking-stand that I instead of-of being your damn boyfriend I treated you-"