tw// talks of relapse,eds,overdoes
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Dear fucking diary
MY LIFE IS SHIT
My "mother" died about 2 weeks ago and i became a mother to luna and miguel
FUN.......
bella is here though so thats great except they get to see me like this
My therapist is making me do this something about if i write what i feel or think i won't explode
In my oppinion thats shit and this is weird
on the bright side im not eating twice a day
today we're at my dads house
jacks out filming without me
traitor
jennas filming wednesday and tenzing is with ceira for the night
so we came here
bellas been out shopping all day
anyway thats all i have to say bye fucker
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I close my diary and toss it on bellas side of the bed
"Hi my love"
their back
"Hi baby"
bella gives me a very confused look sitting on the bed next to me
"ok whats wrong"
"NOTHINGS WrOng"
"CAROLINA"
MY stupid middle name
" you only call me baby if something is wrong up there "
they push my head with their finger
i slouch and look at my hands
"LU-luna called me mommy today "
"love does that make you sad or h-"
"no thats the probelm bella it made me happy -but they are not my kids I feel like a bad person"
"you're not a bad person yella you didnt ask for this its not your fault and you act like a mom so not far off from the truth''
"I know its just that everyone hu- everyone thinks that im sad because my mom relapsed but im not.Im mad at her-"
"Its okay to feel like that love, you have emotions that just makes you human so let it out why are you mad at her
its just you and me "
i get up from the bed and walk around
"Im mad at her because she made my life a living hell even when she wasnt around and pedro took me in he was my mother and my father not her and she was given a second chance and she blew it"
I sit halfway on bellas lap and halfway on the bed
"The cops said that when they found her the house was a mess and they were sleeping in the tub bella the tub they found drugs everywhere my old social workers said she was trying this time and she was clean but it was an act"
bella moves my hair and puts it in a low messy bun
"you couldnt have known my love"
"but i did bella i saw the scars on her arm
i thought they were old but i should've known that they were new i just wanted to belive that she was getting better"
"My ella its not your fault you wanted to belive she was a better person and you cant fixate on what happend you just have to be there for those kids ... since you met them you have taken care of them.. you are an amazing person and if you need help im here ok but you cant keep the feelings inside okay"
"okay"
"promise?"
"pinky"
they lock pinkys with me
"Kiss?"
they kiss me pushing my back on the mattress and moving my legs of their lap laying next to me
"whos watcing the twins"
"pedro"
i get up from the bed closing the door to my room
i start taking off my shirt
while walking into the restroom and turning on the water
walking back into my room i grab clothes
"what are you doing"
"im going to shower"
i climb on the bed into bellas lap i go to kiss them and stop
"you've been out all day you should probably join me"
we get up up and i pull them into the bathroom
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savvie
IM BACK BITCHES
YOU ARE READING
Fearless//Bella Ramsey
RomanceI'm obsessed with Bella Ramsey Bella xFemale oc Just read it
