𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐋

C H A P T E R N I N E

Knox

My fist connects with the punching bag over and over. Each hit I picture my father's face. Each hit gets harder and harder. I feel like I'm puncturing my knuckles with each hit but I don't stop. I won't stop.

Letting off steam in a healthier way was never easy for me. No matter how hard I tried I always ended up in the gym punching a punching bag until my hands bleed. I try to be a better person but I just can't help it. I'm just angry all of the time.

The memories don't help either. I could hear my mother scream endlessly. Her screams echo in my head not relieving me from this torture. She screams for help louder and louder with each hit.

One hit.
Two hits.
Three hits.

Harder, harder, and harder.

"Knox calm down!" I hear Alex in the background but I don't budge. His voice is trying to reach me but I'm too far into my mind. It's not until I feel his arms pull me away from the punching bag that I finally come back.

"Get the fuck off me." I fight him off.

"Come on man, I don't want to fight you. Just calm down."

I start taking deep breaths to calm down. I take a look at both of my hands seeing all the damage I've done to them. The pain helps as a distraction but the aftermath is what hurts like a bitch. I go from emotional pain to physical pain within seconds. So much pain clogging my mind. When will it end? When will I stop doing this to myself?

"Talk to me man." Alex pleads. I see worry in his eyes which makes a hint of guilt linger in the back of my heart. Worrying about me should be the last thing in his mind and yet here I am making him worry.

Alex goes and sits down while patting the seat next to him. I take the seat, staying shut from disappointment and regret.

I'm so angry with myself. Angry of what I become, angry at how I cope. I'm angry with my father, myself, and the world. Except her, my blossom, and yet here I go fucking up everything with her. I should let Alex punch me for being an asshole.

"I fucked things up." I say putting my head down to hide.

"How?" Alex raises an eyebrow.

I breathe in knowing that I'm about to tell him everything. Some parts he'd understand because he's been there and some parts he might be disappointed in me about.

"My father mentioned my mother again," I take another deep breath, "I ended up getting defensive, really bad. I lashed out on Valerie and said things I don't even mean. She was just trying to help and I fucked it up bad man."

Alex took everything in and carefully listened to everything. "Does she know?" He asks.

"No." She doesn't know but I still lashed out on her as if she was my father at the moment.

"If you're comfortable enough you should tell her. You can't keep her in the dark then lash out on her for trying to help. She doesn't know, not like we do. You said she wanted to help right? Not a lot of people do that, not for us anyways."

His words cut through me. He was right that not a lot of people would help voluntarily. It's why Jace, Alex, and I only ever felt like we had each other at some point in our lives. It was like that day when everything happened and I hit rock bottom. All I've ever wanted was help. No one came. People would just come to gossip and say their pretend apologies but never to help.