"I can't do it," I whisper, letting the backpack fall to the ground. His arms wrap around me, and I bury my head into his neck, tears brimming in my eyes. Who knows what I'm going back to.
His hands press into my back, keeping me close. His chin is on my head, and I can feel him opening and closing his mouth, looking for words and failing to find them.
"It's going to be okay. We will be okay," he tries to assure me.
"I know- I know, but what if things happen? What if it all goes bad?" I rasp out, my hands coming up to clutch his arms.
"I'm going to come visit in July for a week. Beginning of August, you'll come to our house, and we'll go apartment hunting. Okay, it'll be fine. We'll see each other in a little less than 2 months," he tries to make it sound alright, but it's not.
Time flew by fast after the show. I joined an agency and have been submitting my songs back and forth with my agent, getting critiques and making moves. I'm going to wait to release anything until I have an album. Which just seems crazy. I'm going to have an album. We finished the school year- Conner has one more year, and I have three... now we're here. The airport. Saying our goodbyes for now.
"I still have two hours to get through security and to my gate... Do you think we could just sit out here for a bit?" I whisper, my fingers digging into his arm, almost like a useless threat. If he says no- I won't take no for an answer.
"Of course," he pulls my head back from his neck and leans in for a quick kiss. I smile sadly when he pulls away, and Conner is quick to grab my bag, guiding my unmoving body to some seats which we were fortunate enough to find.
Well, to be honest, this airport in Oregon wasn't too busy besides security their PSA check is crazy. Not too bad compared to the one back in my state. God, I'm going back to Texas and I'm staying there. Things are going to be so different. I don't know where Mama is. Are we still living in the house? Will Dad and Emery survive if I move up to Oregon? How am I going to handle all this songwriting if I'm taking care of the two?
I need to focus on now. I can overthink on the plane.
"It's going to be so weird," I lean over the armrest not even caring when it digs into my side. I just want to be close to him.
"I know," he reaches an arm around me, his fingers grazing up and down my shoulder, and it reminds me of the first night on the couch when we watched the Goonies together.
"We've been living together all this time, so we've never had to text and now that's going to be the only way to talk for a bit," I murmur, looking down at my hands, just not believing it.
"I know I shouldn't complain-" I continue starting to feel bad, "people go through so much more. We are going to see each other in less than two months. I'm complaining too much. I just wonder... what if something happens. I'm scared," I'm not, however, scared to admit that though.
"Nothing will happen to us." He turns to face me more, and I follow, fixing my gaze to his eyes.
"You know you're the love of my life, right? I'm planning on spending my whole entire life with you. I'm planning so many things with you in my head. Hell, I may be crazy because we haven't even hit a year quite yet, but oh well, I'll be crazy then. I'm not going to find somebody else, so don't let that worry you anymore," he cups my hands on my face, shaking my head lightly with a toothy smile to get his message through.
"I love you," Conner adds on, and I nod, reaching up to wipe my eyes. Stupid emotions. Why am I such an emotional guy? This just isn't fair.
"I love you too," I murmur, and he continues to smile before leaning in to kiss both of my cheeks. I laugh quietly at this while he drops his hands to hold mine.
"I need you to take care of yourself," he squeezes my hands, looking serious, and I try so hard to fight the urge to look away. I give in when he does this little head tilt meaning he wants a response.
"You're so pretty when you blush," he chuckles, shaking his head, and I look up again at the blush spreading across my face.
"I need you to eat when you're hungry. Take care of yourself. Tell people no. If something happens, talk to me about it or your dad. Don't overwork yourself. Take breaks. Rant to me if you need and want to. Allow yourself to cry. I should be giving you a checklist at this point," he chuckles, making me laugh as well.
"I will. I've been feeling a lot better the last few months. You know this better than anyone else, but you and Tanya, well all our friends have helped me so much. I'm doing better," I assure him.
"I know, but I don't want you to fall back into old habits... your brain likes to be mean to you," he quickly adds, and I shrug trying to hide how embarrassed I am by the truth.
"Just take care of yourself, now come over here," he pulls me into his arms for a hug, half my body over the side of the chair.
"Fuck I'm going to miss your handsome self," he groans, a hand in my hair and the other stretched out across my back trying to keep me close.
"I also need all the updates on Richie- My boyfriend part of Tatton Music Industry wow. Whether things or going good or bad just keep me in the loop, baby," he continues to leave kiss after kiss on my head as I just smile while being crushed into his chest.
"Of course- I'm going to tell you everything. You're one of my best friends," I remind him, not sure if he can hear anything as he smothers me in his chest.
If we weren't in public, I'd be cuddled in his lap right now. For now, I want to do what I can. Conner whispers sweet words as I just nuzzle closer. Turning enough that I wasn't being smothered.
My hand goes to his knee, and I stroke my thumb up and down over the jean material. We shift again silently, enough for me to rest my head on his shoulder just staring up at him. My heart is racing now. This will be the last time I touch him for a month or so.
He stares down at me with a loving look in his eyes, and it just makes me feel so warm. I didn't expect any of this when I came here for college. I just had a full ride, so I took it. I'm living now though. I'm happy with myself and the things around me. I have friends. I have a life and a possible career in music set up for me if I just work my ass off and I have Conner.
"With the way I'm feeling now I think I can write a whole heartbreak song," I joke, making him stifle a laugh before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
"Just imagine when you're all famous. You'll get interviews and they'll be like who caused you to write such a gut-wrenching song? You'll have to answer it- being away from my absolutely spectacular boyfriend for two months," he teases, dropping his hand to my side before pulling me into another soft kiss.
"I think you're getting a little too excited," I whisper, our lips inches apart.
"Nope I know your skills. You're going to be so famous. Well, you'll have the opportunity to be famous, but if you want to just settle down and have a little life with me, we can do that too," he explains, leaning in for another soft kiss, this one longer than before. I'm going to miss the way his lips feel against mine and how he feels against me in general. Going to miss how he smells.
"Little life? Conner you've got quite a bit of a following Mr. football player and because of the whole incident... plus you're hot," I change the subject as he rolls his eyes and dives in for another kiss. When he pulls away this time, I smile, letting my eyes flutter open, surprised by the tears in his eyes. He had turned to look at his phone and sighs a deep heavy breath.
"We need to get you through security, baby," he whispers. I shake my head, grabbing his hand and squeezing it in mine, my heart starting to tear. This isn't healthy I am too attached.
"The security line is long; it's going to take a while- and you need to have time to get things organized for the flight. You said so yourself you wanted extra time," he reminds me of my own stupid foolish words. Conner stands, and I instantly follow, hugging him tightly. His breathes loud and slow, but I can feel his heart beating quickly against me.
"I can't, Conner."
"I'm sorry, baby, but you have to. We'll see each other soon."
أنت تقرأ
You Play the Field - I Play the Strings
العاطفيةCallum's family is in desperate need of money so they send him to whatever college wanted the least amount of money from them. So after applying for scholarship after scholarship he finally found the one... in Oregon. Sure, it's a few states away fr...
