The Checklist (Explicit Version)

Chapter 19

   "My," her voice cracked, and she quickly cleared her throat before continuing, "My mom used to make this when I was a kid. It used to always make me feel better."

   Once my hands wrapped around the cup, I managed to smile, albeit tensely. "Thanks, Nellie."

   She nodded and watched as I brought the cup to my mouth. I closed my eyes when I tasted chamomile and... honey? My muscles relaxed as I continued sipping the hot drink. I stopped halfway with a shaky sigh before fluttering my eyes to Nellie. She must have read something on my expression because she lowered herself onto my bed a moment later, legs dangling off the edge.

   "Good?" When I nodded, she breathed out. "How are you feeling, Allie?"

   "Don't worry about me," I told her truthfully. I didn't want to be a bother. "Are you picking up more shifts at your internship now that we're done? Are they hiring you for a full time—"

   She cut me off with pursed brows. "Stop avoiding this conversation. And stop telling me not to care."

   "I'm not telling you that—"

    "Don't worry about you?" She repeated my words back to me, narrowing her eyes to slits. "I'm really, really trying, Allie. I'm trying to fight back the stupid urge to run out of this house and kill him. I'm trying to wait for you to talk to me, but you're not talking, and you always talk. You talk when you're happy. Sad. Even fucking angry. You're scaring me."

   Hearing her voice break as her face clenched with agony made my breathing falter.

   Lowering my gaze to the cup, I angled it side to side and watched the liquid swish. "I don't know what you want me to say, Nels," I whispered, unintentionally holding the mug harder.

   She dropped a hand on my lap, startling me. "Just let me know what I can do. Do you want me to Google review his job? I'll made a hundred accounts blasting him. You want me to set his motorcycle on fire? I'll torch that shit. I'll even light his beard on fire. It looks very flammable."

   The image of his facial hair burning made me choke on a laugh. But instead of feeling better, my eyes stung with unshed tears.

   Nellie, noticing the small change, hurriedly stood up and rounded my bed. Within seconds, she plopped next to me, legs stretched out above the comforter before she wrapped an arm around me.

   Her hand held the side of my face lovingly, and I didn't stop my tears from falling this time.

   "Shush. It's okay," she whispered, gently guiding my head to her shoulder before rubbing soothing circles on my shoulder while I struggled to gasp for air.

   We stayed like that until my breathing returned to normal, but I didn't pull away. Instead, my eyes unfocused on the tea while my mind replayed my entire relationship with Myles. After a while, I found myself speaking.

   "Maybe he's right. Myles. Ever since we met, he called me a princess, and I thought it was because I liked watching Disney. But I think he just called me that because he believes I'm naive. Like a princess. He probably laughed at me every time we finished hanging out. Like he couldn't believe that I believed him."

   She held me harder before biting out, "The dude is twisted."

   "That's the thing, though." I sniffed, eyes burning as I shook my head softly in disbelief. "I think he wanted to be twisted. He has a villain complex. Every time I told him he was a good guy, he would just... put himself down. I think that's why he did this. He already saw himself as a horrible person, so why not have another reason to hate himself, right?"