𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 𝐅𝐋𝐘 ᵇᵘᵈᵈⁱᵉ

eight

"Buck, everything okay," Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"i'm fine, i just—i just need to you use the restroom," Buck replied, walking away to the bathroom.

he took his shirt off, wetting a rag that was underneath the sink.

he scrubbed his skin from his neck all the way down to the waist band of his pants. he scrubbed it raw.

he felt dirty, completely disregarding the shower he had this morning.

he could feel Johns hands on him.

"did i do something.." Chim questioned himself as he sat down. Eddie shook his head no as he looked at Bobby.

"i'll go talk to him," Bobby said, setting his fork down.

Eddie shook his head, "let me,"

"Evan, my love,"  Eddie said, opening the bathroom door.

"Evan, if you scrub anymore you're skins gonna bleed," Eddie said softly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Buck slammed the rag on the bathroom counter.

you deserved it
you shouldn't have cheated on her

the little voice in his head spoke.

"shut up, just shut up!" he shouted as tears fell down his face.

just be a god damn man
cry baby
man whore
go fuck you're therapist again

Buck scratched all over his skin, looking for the hands he could feel on him but they weren't there. he started bleeding, scratching the scabs from previous cuts.

"just get out," he started gripping at his hair as he put his back to the wall. Eddie walked over to him.

not even Abby could love you
she left you
you're parents don't even love you, what makes you think Eddie will?
just kill yourself

"just shut up!" he screamed sliding down the wall, Eddie grabbed him and sat on the bathroom floor.

Buck attached him self to Eddie, sobbing into his chest due to the position they were laying in.

"Evan, baby, what's going on," Eddie whispered, rubbing Bucks head.

"i want it to stop," Evan cried, gripping Eddie's shirt tighter.

"what to stop," Eddie asked softly.

"every fucking thing. the world. life," Buck continued to cry.

"i'm not good enough, Eddie, i just wanna die," Buck whimpered out.

Eddie's heart shattered and he hugged Buck, tight.

"don't— don't say that, Evan. you're more than enough. i love you so— so fucking much," Eddie said sternly, kissing Bucks head.

Buck shook his head no at Eddie's words.

"I'm the luckiest person in the world, to be able to call you my best friend. you're the most amazing person to exist, Evan," Eddie told the crying man.

Buck just continued to cry, "let it out baby, i'm here," Eddie murmured.

"i love you," Buck whispered.

"will you explain to me why you started scratching yourself and scrubbing your skin raw, mi querido," Eddie asked softly.

"i-i can feel his hands on my skin, fuck, my skins not even mine anymore. he took the rest of my life away. i'll never be myself again and now i have to go out their and pretend everything's normal," Buck said in between cries.

Eddie sat Buck up, immediately putting a hand on his face, "you'll always be, Buck. no one expect you to act like everything's normal, Evan,"

"you're right they just don't know the full story," Buck said.

Eddie sighed, "there's no need for them too,"

Buck nodded.

"how come you have no problem with me touching you," he asked softly.

Buck shrugged, "i feel safe with you," he smiled.

Eddie smiled, wrapping his arms around Buck, dragging his hand up and down the scratches he made a Bucks back last night. Buck shuttered at the touch.

he felt so safe in Eddie's arms. like nothing bad could happen.

after Eddie calmed Buck down and Buck put his shirt back on, he looked at Eddie.

his eyes still bloodshot and his knows still red.

"i don't think i'm ready to be back, Eddie," He said softly as Eddie wrapped his arm in a bandage.

"it's up to you, Evan. Bobby will understand if you don't wanna stay," Eddie smiled softly.

"i don't wanna be alone though," Buck said quietly, his face becoming hot.

he was a grown man, he should be able to be alone.

"he'll understand if i leave too," Eddie put his hand on his face.

"Eddie you have bills to pay, a child to feed. i cant ask you to do that," Buck argued Eddie's words.

Eddie smiled, "there's no place in the world i would rather be, then next to you,"

Buck only blushed and nodded. Eddie gave him a quick, but passionate kiss on the lips.

They walked out of the bathroom 30 minutes after Buck went in.

Bobby walked over to him, "if you're not ready to be back, Buck, you can go home," he smiled at the boy who was like his son.

Buck let out a breath of relief.

"Eddie why don't you go with him? i'm putting you both on paid leave for the next week, Buck needs to heal more and he needs his best friend their with him," Bobby told the two, who only nodded.

Without saying bye to their team, they changed, they grabbed their things and headed home. the whole car ride was silent.

Eddie wanted to ask Buck a certain question but he didn't think it was the right time and Buck could feel it.

"if you have something to say, say it," Evan said softly as they stopped at a red light.

Eddie chuckled and nodded, still not saying anything. he pulled into his driveway just a minute later.

Buck groaned as they walked inside and sat on the couch, still silent.

"move in with me,"