Ghost BC Angst One-Shots

Can't Be Pt.2 - Copia 🖤

-Part two as people have messages to say they wanted it and I have nothing better to do tbh.
-Warnings: sh, suicidal thoughts.

Copia's Pov
After they left my mind raced with thoughts. 'This is (y/n) confessing isn't it? Surely it cant be though. She's too precious to do that. Is it my fault? Have I caused some of that?". My thoughts trailed off as I heard someone enter the other side of the box. I dabbed my tears away trying not to smudge my face paint while hoping this would be the last confession today. I need to talk to (y/n).

(y/n)'s Pov
I just returned to the room that I share with Copia after making a confession about how I've been feeling lately. As far as I'm aware Copia was with the Ghouls and Ghoulettes talking about an upcoming tour, which he could tell me about later, so it would've been Primo or Secondo on the other side of the box. Either way, the two of them are incredibly good at focusing on the words and not the voice.

As band practice was this morning, I could do what I usually do; get in bed and think. About what? Anything. It's never usually good and is almost always me overthinking, or thinking about how I would kill myself, or even about self harming for no reason other than hating myself and how I feel. Or should I say, how I haven't been feeling.

As I predicted, I got in bed and thought. I lay there, my mind racing with thoughts, however I didn't disassociate straight away like usual. As I was still aware if my surroundings I realised I left my door oped ajar, but I had no motivation to close it. Copia was busy with the band anyway. 'How haven't they kicked me out of the band? How have I not been sent back to hell yet?' I thought to myself, quickly slipping into disassociation. 'Sure I try my best, but it's never enough. They're probably discussing sending me back down there now. I don't blame them honestly. Maybe I should do it for them, save them a job'. My thoughts trailed away and I eventually gained my awareness back.

Remembering what I just thought, the voice's started relentlessly spewed their venom at me, causing my mood to hit an all time low. The idea of people I feel comfortable around wanting me gone caused my suicidal tendencies to spike tremendously- although I'm a reserved person (for no valid reason) I still feel very safe around them all: especially Copia and Rain. I resonate with rain a lot in my opinion, but the others may call it a stupid idea. Rain probably doesn't want his personality to resemble mine anyway.

After a few minutes of lying down and staring at the black ceiling while my brain assaulted me with ideas, I gave in and made my way to the walk-in-closet that faces the entrance to our room, leaving the door wide open behind me. I have a small, old jewellery box that I use to store all of my blades, as people would never suspect it's actual purpose and assume its used as it was made to be. I root through the mass of black pants in my pant draw and find the palm-sized box. Once I found it I instantly opened it and found a newly opened blade. While I do want to die, I don't think I could deal with failing and needing a tetanus shot- I'd rather confess to Copia myself.

After finding the perfect blade, I pull up my long, tight black sleeves on both arms revealing many scars. Some faded, some newer, some raised, some white and even some purple. Without a second thought, I harshly drag the blade across my skin. I repeat this many times until I 'run out of room' and move onto my right arm and repeat. Blood is pouring out of me at what should be a worrying rate, but I just allow myself to drown in the pain. Expecting myself to do this, I wrote my notes a couple of days ago incase of a 'worst case scenario'; one to every ghoul, ghoulette and one to Copia, and they're in the drawer on my vanity- so easy to find. I suppose thats why I went and confessed. To soften the blow for either Primo or Secondo- not that I expected them to care a great deal but you get the point. I am lulled out of my shallow trance by a soft voice calling my name.

Copia's Pov
I decided to listen to one last confession before going to Primo and explaining I needed to check on (y/n) as she hasn't been feeling great. It was a short 5 minute walk but it felt like an eternity walking through the hallways, praying to Satan that my other half is alright. My heart raced as I convinced myself more and more that the anonymous person was
(y/n). 'How do I deal with this? How do I suppress my self-aimed rage and not shout at her? I'm not mad at her, definitely not, only myself for not noticing any signs. It's only now that I think back on everything that they were obvious' I thought to myself until I came to a halt outside our room with the door open ajar.