scars || sirius black

67 - the prophecy

She knew both James and Sirius had tried to confront him about it but he had denied how reckless he was being, insisting he was doing what anyone else would do in his position. She knew all to well exactly the line of thought he was going down; how he couldn't stop until everyone he loved was safe, too traumatised by the grief he felt to stop fighting for one. It was how she had felt after Fabian and Gideon's deaths, and again after Mira disappeared, after Euphemia and Fleamont died, after Marlene was murdered in front of her, and in a way how she had felt when her father died.

She couldn't blame him, she just wished he would stop blaming himself.

———————

When Maeve was almost two months old, she attended her first Order of the Phoenix meeting. It was the first time Emmy had been back since giving birth and she basked in the joy on her friends' faces when they spotted her in the doorway.

Lily and Alice hugged her tightly as Frank not-so-subtly begged to hold the baby, claiming he needed to practise more before their little boy was born in a few months time. They all knew it was just because he was a big softy. James pulled out a chair for Emmy as she let the others coo over her baby now snuggled in Frank's gentle arms.

Even Mad-Eye couldn't help but coming to have a look and looked oddly pleased when Maeve wrapped her tiny hand around his finger.

"She's far too trusting of strangers, Lupin," he growled.

"Don't worry Mad-Eye, you'll just need to teach her constant vigilance," she replied teasingly. His mechanical eye rolled with exasperation, but he chuckled softly.

The rest of the meeting was a more sombre affair.

Dumbledore reported more setbacks and the disappearance of another two Order members a couple of days ago. Emmy didn't know them well but it still felt like a blow to the chest. It weighed heavily on her as she thought of what their loved ones were going through right now. She held Maeve closely to her, listening as dangerous plans were made and flinched as her friends volunteered for every one of them.

She sat there numbly as James offered to stand watch outside Dolohov's last known location and Dory, Frank and Remus agreed to raid the Rosier family's house. The final blow was when Sirius raised his hand to take a shift guarding the Hogwarts boundaries.

She stood as Maeve began to stir, taking the welcome opportunity to get some fresh air.

Andromeda and Ted Tonk's garden was beautiful even in the dead of winter. She pulled her thick coat around herself and Maeve then cast lumos to illuminate the gravel path in front of her.

The stones crunched under her feet as she wandered through the trees and gazed out over the fields stretching on for mile, the sun setting on the horizon.

Birds rustled in the snow-dusted branches above and a horse nickered gently at the brow of the hill, but there was serenity in the quietness of that moment, almost resigning itself to the peacefulness.

She inhaled slowly and let her breath materialise in the air like a dragon breathing smoke.

"We're gonna get through this, me and you," she whispered to her daughter. "It's all going to be alright, I promise you that."

Maeve looked up at her, wondering eyes taking in all the shadows that haunted the face of the mother who loved her more than life itself.

"One day, when you're grown up I'll tell you about this. I'll tell you how much we all fought for you and you won't have any idea of what it felt like because I never want you to feel how I'm feeling right now."