Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

17. Too Young To Fall In Love

April 26th, 1984

-

Kirk's Point Of View

I've been on tour with the guys for a few months now. At the beginning it was a shit ton of fun and we all were having a blast, that was until we all started to slip through the cracks of the rock and roll lifestyle.

I feel so tremendously guilty, I haven't spoken to Hailey in nearly a month. I've called her once or twice when I was drunk, simply 'cause I miss her and sometimes my drunken self goes against the sober ones wishes.

As tour went on I ended up developing a coke addiction, along with my drinking becoming heavier. I didn't mean for it to happen, I truly didn't. I tried to stay away from it the first few weeks, but I did a line with one of the guys from the band we were touring with and next thing I know I wasn't able to stop.

It was at the point where I felt like I needed it. I always tried to push the temptation down, but majority of the time I caved due to pressure from the guys.

I felt tremendously guilty about it, I know what Hailey went through with Dave when his addiction was bad, and I'm absolutely petrified that I might end up hurting her if it goes any farther.

I feel terrible that I haven't spoken to her, I just can't bring myself to tell her, 'cause I know I'd have to. I can only imagine the heartbreaking disappointment that'd be in her voice. Cliff and James think I should just tell her, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

I wish I could, instead of running from her because of it. I just cant.

I feel even worse what happened at the airport when I left, I should've told her I loved her back. I almost lost my shit when she said it, but I was still so scared that if I were to repeat it back to her that I'd set off that god forsaken timer, but here I am on the verge of losing her anyways.

I didn't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I didn't love her as much as I did, it just makes this so much harder. Honestly It just keeps getting stronger and it's scaring me more and more.

I love her too much for my own fucking good, and I don't know how to deal with it.

-

I sat in the back of a club with the guys we were touring with, they were in some band called Terminator.

The lead singers name was Tracy, the guitarist was Daniel, bassist was Chris, and the drummer was David. They were alright guys for the most part, they just party a lot. Tracy's the one that got me on coke, he insisted I did a line with him one night, and now here we are.

Lars andJames were off somewhere in here with some strippers, which I obviously wasn't interested and have a stripper all over me, so I just stayed back.

"Hello? Earth to fucking Kirk!" Tracy shouted waving his hands in my face.

"Jesus, what man?" I said sighing.

Tracy nodded his head toward the table, a few lines of coke messily sitting in-front of us.

"Tracy, I seriously can't man-" I mumbled unsurely, trying to push back the craving for it I felt inside of me.

Tracy rolled his eyes, putting a cigarette between his lips, and lightning it. "You needa stop worrying about your bitch so much. She ain't gonna find out." He said bluntly.

I glared at him, "Don't call her that dude." I raised my voice slightly.

"Nah dude, you let her wrap you around her finger so much so that you won't let yourself fucking loosen up and have fun." He scoffed.

"For fucks sake, fine!" I shouted in defeat.

Something about drinking more often, had started to cause me to lash out more often. Another reason why I wont talk to Hailey.

I rolled up a dollar bill that I had left in my pocket. Pushing my right nostril shut with my finger, as I leaned down and snorted 2 of the  thick white lines that had once sat on the table.

I instantly felt it, my ears ringing and any previous stress or guilt I had, simply melting away.

I swiped my hand across the bottom of my nose, wiping away any of the white powder that may have remained on my nose. I took a deep breath and leaned back into my seat.

"I don't know why you don't just fuckin' dump her man." Tracy said as he snorted a line that was lying on the table.

"Cause I loveeee her." I dopily smiled to myself.

Tracy rolled his eyes, "She sounds like a stick up cunt."

My smile instantly dropped. I turned to look at him, my mouth falling into a wide "O" shape.

"She is not!" I exclaimed, quickly taking a few of the shots on the table.

"Yeah, she is. Believe me, I've felt with my fair share of bitches like that so I know one when I hear about 'em." Tracy looking at me with a cocky look plastered on his face.

I just stared down at the table, the coke beginning to kick in more as everything became louder, and less processable.

"You're seriously too young to be getting all involved in that love shit man. If I were you I'd leave the chick and live life to the fullest." He laughed, throwing an arm around my shoulder.

"Would you just fuck off?" I snapped, starting to lose my temper.

Tracy's words sunk in momentarily, maybe he was right. That may be why I've been so freaked out over this shit.

"I'm just tryna help you brother." He shrugged, lightning another cigarette.

"Fine! I'll go fucking do it right now!" I shouted, feeling highly irritable to the point where my drugged up self had just given in.

Tracy smirked as he got up, "I'll come with you."

We walked over to the pay phone, I slowly dialed Hailey's number into it. It rang a few times before, I heard her sweet sleepy voice ring through the phone. I felt my stomach drop, I knew deep down I shouldn't do this, and once I sobered up in the morning I'd lose my shit.

Unfortunately I was too high, and too intimidated by Tracy forcefully staring at me as I stood at the phone.

"Kirk?" Hailey spoke softly.

"Hailey we need to breakup." I slurred, looking over at Tracy who had an evil grin plastered on his face.

"What?" I heard her voice crack instantly.

"Look man, I'm just too young for this love shit, and I just needs so my own thing for a while y'know." My words still slurring over one another, the alcohol started to hit me so hard that I was barely conscious of anything.

"Kirk no please-" She cried desperately, Tracy walked over and hung up the phone cutting her off.

"Nice job hot shot." Tracy laughed, throwing his head back and walking away, leaving me at the phone booth.

My vision started to get black and spotty, before I felt myself drop to the floor.

-

Hailey's Point of View

I couldn't breath, the second he hung up the phone I dropped to my knees, screaming as tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes.

This couldn't be fucking happening. God what did I ever do to deserve my heart being ripped out of my chest and ripped to shreds.

Dave burst through my door, with worry filled eyes, repeatedly asking me what had happened, but I just kept screaming and crying. I was unable to form a proper sentence.

The one person I loved more than anything and everything in this sick world, left me like I was nothing. I should've seen it coming, but I was too lovesick and too full of hope.

Dave cradled me in his arms, trying to get me to stop crying, but it didn't help. I just lost my shit, I didn't know what the fuck to do. I just sat there and cried, for only god knows how long.

Why would he do this to me?

A/N - also terminator is a band I totally made up