Fading to Black // Kirk Hammett

16. Drifting Away

April 19th, 1984

-

I sat on the couch with Dave and Liliana inside of their living room. I downed the rest of what may have been my fifth or sixth beer, I wasn't sure, I wasn't keeping track anymore.

I set the empty bottle on the table, mindlessly staring at the TV. I had no fucking clue what we were watching, I didn't care much to know either.

Kirks been away on tour for about two months now. For the first week or two he'd kept his promise, he called me every night, telling me about the shows.

However as the weeks went on he called less and less, I tried to just tell myself he got too busy, but something told me that wasn't the case. In the past month he's only called twice, both of those times he was extremely drunk and I couldn't make out a single word he had said.

I'd be lying if i said I wasn't hurt. I could feel him drifting farther away from me as each passing day went on, and it was fucking killing me inside. It felt like he just forgotten about me, and honestly he very well may have, maybe he met someone else.

The thought of Kirk with some groupie or popped into my head, making my physically sick to my stomach.

I sat there nauseously for a moment. Then I realized I was actually about to puke my guts out, I sprung off the couch , and ran into the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I threw myself over the toilet, an started vomiting.

I hated throwing up, I cried every time I did. After a few minutes I had finished puking, tears violently streaming down my face. I might've drank a little more than I thought, oops.

I brought my knees up to my chest, and rested my forehead against them. I sat there for a few moments, trying to stop the waves of tears flowing from my eyes. I heard a soft knock on the door a few minutes later.

"Hailey? Are you okay?" Dave's muffled voice rang through the door.

I couldn't form a verbal response, I just nodded as if he could see me.

"I'm coming in." He stated, as I heard him pick the lock.

The door shortly opened, and Dave sat down next to me, rubbing his hand on my back.

"Too much to drink?" He softly smiled at me through his concerned filled eyes.

"I guess so." I mumbled, leaning into him.

"Did something happen with your cunt of a boyfriend?" He questioned, softly chuckling.

"No, and that's the problem." I sighed, tears beginning to fill my eyes again.

"Still no word?" He questioned quietly.

"Nothing, even when I talk to Cliff he says that he's not around." I buried my face, into my knees again.

Dave frowned slightly at me, before letting out an irritated sigh. "Well he's a fucking dick anyway, you don't need him." He said bluntly, his mood quickly shifted.

I glared at him, but he only shrugged.

"I'll get you some water." He forced a sarcastic smile at me.

He gets so pissed when I talk about Kirk, yet 90 percent of the time he's the one who asks about it. I don't know why, it makes no fucking sense. It's constant too, to the point where it's starting to piss me off.

"Here." He said dryly, lightly slamming the glass of water on the bathroom counter.

"Your such a dick." I murmured.

"What was that Romano?" He said cockily, snapping his head towards me.

"Fuck this I'm going home." I spat.

I'm so sick of him giving me attitude over this shit all the time, if he's gonna be a dick he just shouldn't ask. Let alone give me shit for it when he has no fucking idea how it feels.

I managed to life myself off of the ground, stumbling to my feet.

"How are you planning on doing that." He snickered to himself.

I walked over to a shelf where my keys had been hidden from me, picking them up and dangling them in-front of his face.

"By driving myself there," I smiled sarcastically. "Pick a new fucking hiding spot Dave."

"Woah woah woah, hey." He scrambled over to me, blocking me from walking out of the door. Finally dropping his previous douche-bag attitude.

"What." I said bluntly.

"I'll drive you home Hails. I'm not letting you stay there on your own, let alone let you drive there when you're fucking drunk." He sighed, punching the bridge of his nose.

Unfortunately he was right about the driving part, I could end up getting myself killed. I also knew that he's too stubborn to even attempt to argue with.

I huffed, as I dropped my keys into the palm of his hand. I stumbled my way out of his front door, and into the passenger side of my car.

-

We arrived at my apartment shortly after, he followed me inside and flopped onto the couch.

I don't know why he insists on sleeping here, but again I don't have the energy to attempt to argue with him right now.

"You can sleep in my room if you want, I'll take Cliffs." I mumbled.

"Or we could both sleep in your room." He smirked at me.

God he was really fucking pushing it.

I walked away without saying another word, slamming my bedroom door behind me.

I spent a while just blankly staring at my wall, a few tears rolling down my face.

I just don't understand why Kirk couldn't love me. What was so wrong with me to the point where he's just walking away without a second thought. He was my entire world, yet to him it seems like I was merely a penny he found on the sidewalk. Shiny enough to catch his attention, yet not enough for him to keep.

I heard my door slowly cream open, knowing it was Dave. I heard it shut moments later, assuming he'd left, until I felt the bed dip down next to me.

He heavily sighed, and then softly kissed the top of my head. I honestly didn't even acknowledge it much, since I was too busy wishing that it was Kirk.

Eventually Dave fell asleep, but I just couldn't. I've barely been able to sleep since he left. I had been lying here awake, for a few hours at-least.

I was feeling a bit more sobered up now, I sat up and looked at the clock. It was 4:17 in the morning, still pitch black and rainy outside. I decided to get out of bed, I slowly got up, trying my best not to wake up Dave.

I made my way downstairs, grabbing my car keys off of the coffee table. I walked out of the house and slid into the drivers seat of my car, deciding to take a drive to clear my head.