𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

22

"Oh, I'm fine, baby," my mom waved away his concern. "Just makin' sure this hole wasn't where the ants were comin' from. Hey, baby," my mom's voice took on a more nervous tone as a stood back, watching the two of them, "I noticed that your desk looks a bit...untouched."

My dad took a swig of his beer, sitting it down on the counter and coming over to my mother. He cupped her face with his hand, gently kissing her on the lips and giving her a soft smile.

He brought his hand back and grabbed up her neck roughly, "You questionin' me about how I put food in your wide ass throat? How I work my damn job, Teresa?"

"Dad," I said quietly, stepping towards them.

"Shut the shit up, Casei. Or it'll be you."

I clamped my mouth shut, as he let her go and stared her down, "I'll get my work done and how about you get yours done? Where's the crib you want me to put together? Where's the baby's clothes you should start buyin'? Why isn't the kitchen clean, huh? How about you worry about that instead of me."

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered, slowly stepping towards him, her hands reached out. "Come here."

He laid his head on her chest, staring at me.

"We all make mistakes, baby," his harsh accent drawled.

I scurried off to my bedroom, closing the door as I heard his heavy steps behind me.

"Don't stay in that room all day," he breathed heavily through the door. "Come give your family some good ol' lovin'."

With my back to the door, I nodded meekly like he could still see me.

Once I was sure that he was gone, I walked away a few steps, turning around and staring at the door like it might fling open at any moment.

I sat on the edge of my bed, rooting through the covers and pulling my notebook out from underneath one of my pillows. I brought my knees up to my chest, flipping through the thin papers.

I didn't realize I had fell asleep with my notebook on my chest until my mom knocked at my door.

"We're goin' over to your aunt's house. Daddy's side. Get dressed, Casei."

I frowned, yawning and opening the door for her.

She looked around my room like she expected to see me hiding someone in there or something. "It still looks a little dirty in here." She thought for a moment then gestured to my body, "I looked better at your age. It'll be good for you to go out and get some sunlight. Clearly you need some vitamin D. And so pale, too," she tsked. "I could see through you if I wanted to."

As if she didn't do that enough.

"Do I have to go?" I asked, keeping my tone neutral.

The last thing I needed was her thinking I had an attitude with her.

"Yes. You can," she waved her hand around, "bring a friend with you, or something. But not Naryna or Channin. They are clearly bad influences. That horrible accident. What about that girl you brought over? She seems responsible."

I scratched my neck, "Uh, sure. I'll see if she's available."

"You do that. You need structure in your life. You don't want to end up broke and unhappy," my mother said, something softening in her eyes momentarily, "You want something better than this, Casei. I'll tell you that."

We stared at each other for a moment. Years of unsaid things passing between us as we both held the same unguarded expression.

My mother only nodded before heading back to her bedroom.

And just like that my guard was back up and I was closing my bedroom door softly again. A little bit of it fell as I text Lowen and asked if she was busy.

Eventually, me and Lowen had everything solidified for today. I had my clothes that I was going to put on hanging over my arm as I headed down the hall to the bathroom. As I turned the door knob, I couldn't believe that around this time, roughly last month, I was about to enter this bathroom and...take my own life.