Hinged, Grown and Sexy

1. Problem Solver

And it had been amazing watching him adore her throughout the years. Even moreso when he included me and Olivia in the engagement party.

I'd never seen a grown man so stressed out about a surprise, but it gave me hope to see a Black man love so effortlessly and get that same love back. Justice and Hyacinthe were soulmates, and he'd have something to say if you thought otherwise.

The table was lit up with excitement and happiness for the upcoming wedding, and it was still palpable when Hyacinthe, Olivia and I were all that remained.

"I'm really happy for you, Hyacinthe." I told her again.

And I was. My friend deserved everything and more, but in the back of my mind, it reminded me that my home would be empty when I went back to it with no prospect of filling it any time soon.

Don't get me wrong, there was no jealousy... just awareness of how we were standing on two opposite sides of the fence and maybe a little sadness that I'd forgotten to cross to that side myself.

"It'll be you soon enough." She smiled, deliriously happy as she twirled the triangle diamond on her finger. "Especially since Eli is the best man."

My best friend's smiled mirrored Olivia's, showing these two were co-conspirators with the news. Not that it was a complete surprise, but Eli had been notably absent throughout the years and even the engagement party.

We just seemed to keep missing each other, and I was never sure if I was grateful or disappointed.

"What are you two up to?" I groaned while my mind flashed back to memories of Justice's ebony friend.

Eli and I had history... or at least we were supposed to until he got lost in the sea of things I had going on in my life. But sometimes, I'd catch myself fantasizing about what could've been if only I'd just made a little time for him.

"He's the best man, you're the maid of honor. Honestly it's a built in wedding date." Olivia shrugged and sipped on the remainder of her mimosa.

"I can find my own wedding date, y'all." I argued, but by the way they were staring at me I could tell I wasn't very convincing.

"And where would this supposed date come from? Girl, this is the first time we've been able to catch up like this in weeks." Olivia butted in again, rolling her eyes in the process.

Before I could even come up with a rebuttal, Hyacinthe chimed in with an almost guilty look on her face.

"Every time I call, you're either in the office or in the bed. Maybe you could try a dating app?"

Now I wouldn't say dating apps were rock bottom, but I thought I at least had a few more... organic options before I had to resort to them. Especially since some of Hyacinthe's hopeless romantic delusions had rubbed off on me throughout the years.

Because she might've met Justice through Tinder, but she'd left her mark on him long before that.

"What about that one that's made to be deleted?" Olivia offered, already scrolling through her phone before she was interrupted by a phone call. "Shit, it's Chris. I'll see y'all later."

Our friend got up in a haste, clearly irritated at the disruption. Both Hyacinthe and I wished her our goodbyes as we watched her go wearily.

She was still on and off with Chris, but the years of going back and forth was wearing on Olivia. It wouldn't be long until she was fed up with it all, and it didn't help that Chris showed no signs of popping the question.

"When she's ready, she'll leave." Hyacinthe promised, conviction clear in her voice. Love had made her hopeful while the lack of it had done the opposite for me. "We're all gonna be happy one day, D. I can feel it."

I wished I could, too.

🐞

When I walked into my lavish apartment, it was the click of my heels against the flooring that made me notice the quiet. Most days, it was a feature I was glad I'd paid for. But today, I missed the hustle and bustle of my childhood.

As if summoned by my thoughts, my phone rang and my mom's name popped up on my screen.

"Hey, Mama." I answered, using my shoulder to hold the phone as I set my purse down.

"Hey, baby. How are you?" She replied, pots and pans clanging in the background that told me she was cooking.

Oddly inspired to share, I started to tell her how I was really doing.

"I'm good, but—"

"Well, good because your brothers are driving me up a wall! Never mind the fact they acting up at that school that already cost me an arm and a leg..." She complained, and I sighed.

Even though my mom was complaining, I was the one paying my brothers' tuition. 

It came with the territory when your first generation success. It didn't help that my parents had 10 kids combined, so money had always been a little tight to begin with.

"I'll stop at the bank tomorrow to send you guys something." I told her after receiving a list of all the other problems going on at the house.

Yet another reason why I'd left, even though I never really did. Not that I could leave them all behind anyway, or that I wanted to.

"Sometimes, I really wonder how I got so lucky with a kid like you, D. You're always taking care of everyone." My mom spoke softly into the phone, her praise taking on low notes.

I bit my lip against the sudden rush of emotion from her words. It was always a mix of bitterness and love, but I tended to bury the bitterness where no one could see.

"Thanks, Mom. I'll talk to you soon, alright?" I prayed my voice didn't sound as shaky as it felt as we said our goodbyes.

Once I ended the call, my body felt boneless as I laid across my bed. I didn't move a muscle as I thought about our conversation.

My whole life I watched my parents give back to our family what they could spare, and then give some more to people in need around them. They always told me about giving back to the family and the community because it made us all stronger.

Just other ways of saying they were trying their best to create generational wealth with the cards they'd been dealt. So, it was only natural I picked up the torch.

But the weight of taking care of people was killing me. Every move I made was never just about me, it was about them, too. Which is why I couldn't—wouldn't—fail, and I couldn't get distracted.

Except, part of me wanted someone to take care of me. For someone to see me and take up space and be loud just so I would finally pay attention to life's little pleasures.

It was that exact thought that had me downloading Hinge and making a profile before I could think better of it. I even told myself that it was just a way to find a wedding date that I actually liked before there were lifetime pictures of us from my best friend's union.

I wasn't looking for love. I was just looking for a mutually beneficial relationship.

At least that's what I told myself. 

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