The Way the World is ¹ | the walking dead

| 32 | On my mind

"Carl is... He's the most perfect big brother. He'd do anything for you. You're the light of his world. Even I don't have that honor, and I'm dating him. Would that make me like your sister? Anyway, he's the type of brother I wish mine had been. I didn't realize it until recently. But everything Carl has, my brother lacked. My brother could have been so good to me, but he wasn't."

Madalyn exhaled a shaky breath and detached Judith's hand from her hair. "You don't need to hear me talking about my brother. He's not worth talking about." Madalyn carefully moved Judith from her lap and set her down by her toys. "Go on. Keep playing."

Madalyn leaned her head back against the couch behind her, watching Judith as she gnawed on one of her toys.

"You had a brother?"

Madalyn spun around to see Carl standing behind the couch. He wasn't supposed to hear that. No one was. "How long have you been there?" she asked.

"Since you started talking about Daryl, then my dad and me," he answered as he rounded the couch and joined Madalyn on the floor. "I'm sorry. I... should have said something before you continued talking."

"It would've been nice. I was telling those things to Judith because I didn't want to tell someone who would ask questions."

"I won't ask anything."

"You technically already did," Madalyn shot back. Carl sighed and turned his gaze away from her. Madalyn didn't know why she wanted to hide it. She knew no one would judge her. Daryl and Beth hadn't, so why would Carl? Carl had told her about Shane. He deserved to know something about her.

Madalyn scooted closer to the boy and rested her head against his shoulder. She fidgeted with Beth's bracelets as she started to talk. "I did have a brother. His name was Nick, and he was five years older than me. He was never around much. Like my father. Nick... never tried to be much of a brother to me. I sometimes wonder if he forgot I existed or simply chose to ignore my existence. I know when I was really little, he was a brother to me. I just know, somehow. But life changed him, and it wasn't for the better.

"Around a year before the world ended, he made his biggest mistake. Stole a bunch of beer, stole the car, and left for a party. He got shit-face drunk and ended up killing a guy while driving home. That got him sent to juvie where he probably would've gone to prison for life once he turned eighteen."

Carl was silent for a while until he asked, "Do you think he's... dead?"

Madalyn shrugged. "Maybe. He could be around somewhere. I don't know. I never cared enough to think about it much."

"Do you care now? There had to be a reason you were telling Judith about him."

Did she? After all these years, was she actually starting to wonder where her brother was? Was she hoping that she might find him one day and they could be siblings?

"I..." Madalyn tried to say. She could hear Jase's laugh in her mind, and she could see Nick's face flash before her eyes. "When we were at Hilltop, there was a boy there. Man, maybe. He was young. Anyway, this guy Jase started to talk to me. It was a nice conversation, but then he laughed. He laughed, and all I could think about was my brother. Since then, he's been on my mind way more than he has in the past like three or four years."

"Do you want to look for him?"

"It would be hard considering we're not in Georgia anymore."

"If we could, would you?"

Madalyn sat in silence for a moment. She could never look for her mother. All she would find is a corpse. She had no desire to search for her father. That was a man she would never want to see again. If there was any justice in this world, he was dead, and that would be for the better. She didn't need that father anyway. But she didn't need a brother either. She didn't need Nick back to feel whole. Her family here in Alexandria made her whole. Did she want a brother, though?

She didn't know.

"I think I would try," Madalyn settled on.

Carl took off his hat and set it on the couch behind them before he grabbed Madalyn's hand, interlocking their fingers. The two of them sat in silence for a while and watched Judith as she played with her toys. It was a perfect moment. Peaceful, quiet. She had the boy who had become her first friend beside her. The boy she'd jump in a walker herd for. The boy she... loved. She would make sure to tell him that one day. She wasn't even sure if he felt that strongly about her.

"Oh, Judith is the light in my life," Carl whispered, "but so are you."

A smile touched Madalyn's lips. She lifted her head from his shoulder and used her free hand to grab his face. She kissed him softly before leaning her forehead against his. "And you're mine."

~*~*~*~

Madalyn stared at the ceiling in her bedroom, too many thoughts running through her head for her to focus on just one. Too many thoughts for her to sleep. She still couldn't escape that dread that had filled her chest when they decided to attack the Saviors. It was so bad it practically ached. She might need to visit Denise if it didn't get any better.

A knock sounded at her door.

"Come in," she called. The door opened, and Daryl slowly stepped in. He crossed the room until he was by her bed and sat on the end of it. "Hey." She sat up, leaning her back against the headboard.

"It's late," he stated.

"You could at least say 'hi' back, and I know. I can't sleep. You?"

He grunted an affirmative. "You still feel scared 'bout those Saviors?"

Madalyn nodded sharply. She pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin atop them. "It can't have been that easy. Nothing is ever that easy," she admitted.

"Ain't ever easy," Daryl agreed. "If something happens, we'll face it. Like we always do, remember?"

Like we always do. They had beaten the Governor, but they lost Hershel and so many other people. They had beaten those people at Terminus but lost Bob. They had dealt with those cops at Grady Memorial but lost Beth. They had made it to Alexandria. A place Madalyn called home, but they had lost Tyreese. They had won every time, but they had lost someone every time.

Madalyn couldn't even fathom losing anyone close to her. Rick, Carl, Judith, Maggie, Abraham, but most of all... Daryl. They always won, but who might they lose this time? They said they had killed all the Saviors at the station, but there had to be more, right? There was always more.

"I'm just still scared," Madalyn whispered. "I hate being scared."

Daryl sighed, then shuffled across the bed until he was sitting next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side. "Ain't nothing wrong with being scared, kiddo," he told her. "Just know, I'll always be here to protect ya. You don't gotta be scared with me."

That she knew. Madalyn Taylor would always have Daryl Dixon by her side.

Madalyn let her eyes flutter shut and her head fall against Daryl's shoulder. The dread remained. The fear remained. But tucked against Daryl's side, she found sleep within minutes. 

~*~*~*~

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞

this was a real quick original chapter that i actually quite like. i wanted to give madalyn something before it all goes downhill next chapter (i'm also stalling about the lineup)

yall there's literally two chapters left of this act. two chapters and then it's the lineup... i'm so damn scared

𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈!