Bitter truth

Chapter 31.

"And when you told me I would've get disturbed because of you it made me feel more sick. It felt as if I'm present with you but I'm not there for you. It felt as if I'm useless. I can't do anything to reduce your pain. It wasn't your fault but I was not in my state to discuss all this with you. So I thought I should give us some time but I know it was the worst idea. I shouldn't have ignored you. I'm really sorry Fathi. I will make sure I'll not do this mistake again. I'll talk to you. I'll tell how I'm feeling but in return I want you to trust me and say your heart out. Jaan I'll never be burden by you instead my heart will be at peace to know that you can rely on me that I can help you with something."

Fatima didn't utter a word instead hugged him tightly. Hasan hugged her back and was caressing her back. She looked at him and stood on her toes and kissed him. Hasan was taken aback from her sudden kiss but he didn't let go of her. His hands were still wrapped around her waist.

After a minute they pulled apart but their foreheads were still attached. Hasan pulled her again and deepened the kiss. After some minutes they pulled themselves from eachother. He smiled looking down at her and she smiled back at him with a blush on her face.

"Hasan I'm really grateful for having you in my life. I'm really thankful to Allah for giving you to me and thank you so much for caring for me so much. I trust you blindly Hasan there is no doubt in that and I'm sorry for hurting you. Next time I'll definitely tell you everything what's bothering me. I thought hiding my feelings from you would reduce your pain but I know now that it doesn't. I was just scared of losing you." She said looking down.

He placed his index finger under her chin and made her look at him.

"Losing me?" He asked.

"I thought I'm a burden and you always had to take care of me and one day you will get fed up with me and leave me. I don't want to go away from you. I need you Hasan. I know I became too dependent on you but you are my only safest place so I can't imagine losing you and it's almost 7 months of our marriage and I couldn't leave my past behind. I'm getting fed up with myself how can you not." She said looking at their intertwined fingers.

Hasan was sad of her response. He was doing everything in his control to make her beleive that he will be with her and that she can trust him but it was always the opposite. He doesn't able to understand why can't she beleive him. Why does she have this much trust issue. Her past was a tragedy but even after lot of effort she was still having trust issues with Hasan.

"What made you think this fathi?" He asked shaking this negative thoughts.
Fatima was just quiet for a bit but Hasan was giving her time to answer his question.

"Hasan it's nothing related to you. You are the only one that made me feel this safe and secure. I'm really thankful for that but..." She stopped and was fidgeting her fingers.

"What is it babe?" He asked in a gentle tone which made Fatima to blush and feel secure.

"It's just I never thought baba would leave me and never look back. So I started having trust issues like when my superhero left me alone than everyone can. I know you will never do that but I'm helpless my subconscious is playing with me always telling me negative things which made it even harder. I'm really sorry Hasan if this hurted you." She said. Her eyes were glued to her fingers and the new ring she was wearing now.

"Fathi look at me." Hasan said in a calm voice. She looked at him and their eyes were locked with eachothers.

"I'll never ever leave you. I left you one time and I'm regretting it till now so NO I'm not leaving you. Even if you tell me to leave I'll still never leave you baby. You are my everything Jaan how can I get fed up or how can you be burden or how can I even think of leaving you. Trust me I know it'll take time but I still want you to trust me and never think that I'll ever leave you and about your past Jaan, you know sometimes it can be easy to get abuse but the trauma after it can be so deadly. I'm not saying that what you suffered was something simple but I'm saying that give yourself some time Fathi, sometimes it takes years to completely forget about the abuse and sometimes it can be in months. So instead of getting fed up with yourself try to give yourself some time and no I'll never get fed up with you. Even if you start hating yourself I'll still love you so much baby my love can heal both of us."