The Stranger I Loved

Beautifully Flawed

Chapter thirteen:

Rose’s body felt achy and heavy, well used. For a long moment, she lay there, absorbing the odd reality of waking up to a man beside her. It was surprisingly pleasant, reaffirming the intimacy established through lovemaking. It was growing dark outside. The sunlight that had shone through the window earlier was dimmed now. Hours had passed, as had several shattering orgasms. She hadn’t known her body was capable of repeating a climax so soon, or that a man’s body was capable of such sexual stamina. Perhaps she wasn’t even aware that she could connect emotionally on such a level whilst with a man; both it appeared were innocent to these notions.

Jack snuggled Rose against his bare chest. He ran his fingers through her blonde hair, kissed her, and caressed her. Anything to take that lost look from her eyes--yes, he was even learning to read her expression. Rose ran a single finger down his right arm, veins raised to the touch; deep and purple and above it two or three now faint spots.

‘’Is this where you would inject the morphine?’’

‘’Yes.’’ His jaw was tight. His voice unwavering.

‘’What was the feeling like?’’

Jack wasn't sure he could tell her without breaking down from the sheer impossibility of it all. Stress had once driven him to the needle. Fear. Sheer absolute gut-wrenching heartache. He thought to be immune to it now but then Rose had given him the most indescribable joy that he could have imagined. Wasn’t that all that mattered now?

‘’This guy I knew, Peter, he always had a Gladstone bag full of cocaine, morphine, opium, and heroin.’’ Jack started to recall. ‘’He saw that I always half way down a bottle of something strong and never would the demons leave me be.’’ He traced a circle about her shoulder. ‘’One day he told me to try it. It's just what the doctor would use, he said, if I was to see a damned professional to chase away the demons.  Then I tried it and for the first time since the war, I was lighter than a feather. High as a kite. I touched the moon for a time and then I fell into the deepest sleep until I injected again.’’

If Jack looked hard enough, he could probably find a syringe that he'd hidden away for a rainy day, even now. He’d liked to do that-send little presents to his future self, knowing he'd be either too doped or too desperate to think about such things in the moment. Now, his foresight might be his downfall. His hand shifted, started to tremble, even thinking of the damned stuff and soon, it was fisting in Rose’s hair, almost pulling at it. She felt it there, and stroked his stomach to soothe him, somehow.

‘’Was it just the car crash and meeting the doctor that got you clean?’’

Jack paused. ‘’Yes. Well, no--’’ Exhaling he returned to stroking her hair. ‘’I believe so, yes. If I hadn’t had met him, I might have killed myself somehow by now. I was tormented. I was in a rage--’’

Jack could not let her down. Even regaling his own tale was painful. So, very painful. It made him judder for no reason other than his own memories.

"Shh," Rose purred. "Be still, Jack." Her long, dark lashes fluttered over her cheeks. She was so young and beautiful. There wasn't a line on her face. Despite ten years of hardship, there wasn't a grey hair on her head. Give her ten years with him, and she'd be a tired, downtrodden woman. She'd likely look twice her age then.

"Sometimes, I think you'd be better off if you had never met me."

Her blue eyes shot open. "Why would you say that?"

"Think about it, Rose..."

"Oh, I have! Without you, I'd be married to Cal, breeding his damned kids for the sake of it. Just another poor, unkind upper-class bauble, attending every single social gala going," she explained. "Without you, Jack, I'd still be a girl trapped in a woman's wasted body. Now, I know about love. Though I lost you. I would never even consider having never met you. Even when I thought I'd lost you, I never regretted our meeting.  I never thought I'd find someone who would love me." Her eyes lined with tears. "You are my life."