Selected Works of Eliza Haywood

A Wife to be Let - ACT III.

Enter Captain Gaylove, Courtly laughing, and Shamble very fine.

GAY. Ha! Ha! Ha! How saucy the rogue looks?

COURT. Why he tells you his grandeur must charm the widow.

SHAM. [In an affected tone.] Ha! Ha! I have quite forgot my dancing for want of practice, but business, state-affairs, intrigues, and one hurry or another takes up all my time. Ha! Ha! Pray gentlemen stand by. Do you know who I am? Won't this do, sir?

COURT. [Dancing in an awkward manner.] Rarely!

GAY. Excellent! If he can but keep up to his character.

SHAM. Oh! Sir, there is no one thing in the world so soon learnt as the forgetting what one really is, in the appearance of another. Humility is a lesson few study with much pleasure, and all, at some times, are traunt from, then why may not I, Sir Tristram Shamtown, forget I have been your honour's pimp and serving man.

COURT. Sir Tristram.

GAY. Aye. That name was of my inventing, but pray, good Sir Tristram, don't so far forget yourself, as to neglect the main chance. Take care to put the widow off settling any part of her estate on her nephew.

SHAM. No, no, sir, never doubt it, I shall retain that principle of honour, to serve my friends, when in so doing I doubly serve myself. If I marry the widow, depend upon it not a foot of the estate shall be parted with. In that I go a great way in breaking off the designed match between her nephew and Celamena.

COURT. A great way, all in all! For I am satisfied Mr. Fairman will never sacrifice his daughter to such a fool as Sneaksby, without a certainty of the widow's land for her jointure.

GAY. Well, faith, I have a strong opinion we shall succeed. Prithee Shamble tell honest Jenny, Mrs. Dogood I think you call her now, that if she has not quite forgot past kindnesses, she must lend her assistance in this affair; and to refresh her memory, let her know 500 pieces more are at her service, the moment Sneaksby quits his pretensions to Celemena.

SHAM. I'll warrant you, sir; but 'tis about the time she ordered me to come.

GAY. Come, shall we walk? Mr. Fairman, you know, was so obliging to desire we'd pass the evening there.

COURT. With all my heart, though it is feeding me with the fare of Tantalus. I ought to shun the sight of what I must desire, and yet am hopeless of enjoying.

GAY. Never despair, our design on Toywell may have more effect than you imagine. Farewell Shamble, good luck attend thee. If anything happens, I shall be here, or at Mr. Fairman's.[Exit.]

SHAM. I have a good stock of impudence, and that often carries the day.

And they went to a widow's house,
And she was dancing naked.
And all the tunes the piper played,
Was take it, widow, take it.