A little story about my life.

From a young age, my greatest dream has been to become a professional soccer player. However, as time goes by, I see my opportunities fading away. At 17 years old, I have never played a professional match or been part of a renowned team. I doubt my abilities and feel like I lack the level required to achieve my aspirations. Sometimes, the weight of this unrealized dream consumes me, and I wonder if it's possible to find renewed motivation.

But love has also left its mark on my heart. For two years, I was in love with a girl, but when I finally gathered the courage to confess my feelings, I was rejected. Fate seemed to mock me because later, when I had overcome that unrequited love, she fell in love with me. However, at that moment, I was already in a relationship with someone else, and our lives took separate paths once again. Now, I find myself trapped in a constant back and forth of feelings for her, knowing that we can never be together due to circumstances beyond our control.

Furthermore, my family also faces their own difficulties. My mother is a brave single mother who has struggled to support us. Although we are not poor, there are luxuries we cannot afford, like traveling to meet my father, who lives in another country with his other family. Distance and lack of resources separate us, and my longing to be with them becomes a constant emotional burden.

Amidst all these internal struggles, sometimes I feel an inexplicable emptiness in my chest. A sense of hopelessness and loneliness that makes me question the purpose of my existence. I worry about relying too much on others to find my happiness and fear that this sensitivity makes me vulnerable to depression. However, I want to make it clear that I have never considered the idea of ending my life. I love life and am determined to live it, even though uncertainties and fears sometimes assail me.

The imminent departure of the girl I love adds an additional layer of sadness to my story. I don't want her to leave, and she doesn't want to leave everything behind, but circumstances force her, and she can't stay. The pain of this impending farewell mixes with the fear of being left alone, without a solid motivation to move forward. In these moments, soccer has been my refuge and passion, but even that seems to lose its shine amidst this emotional whirlwind.

Sometimes, I wonder if love simply isn't meant for me. My romantic experiences have been mostly disappointing, filled with obstacles and broken hearts. Is it possible that I will never fall in love again? And what happens if I do and the outcome is another failure? These doubts haunt my mind and torment me in moments of vulnerability.

However, despite all these internal battles, I still hold a glimmer of hope in my heart. Maybe I won't find motivation or love in the places I expected, but I still cling to the belief that there is a greater purpose for me in this world. Perhaps it's discovering my true passion, achieving goals I haven't even imagined yet, or finding happiness in unexpected ways.

In my tireless pursuit, I find solace in the words of those who have gone through similar situations. Their stories of overcoming and resilience inspire me and give me strength to keep going. Although my path may seem dark and full of challenges, I am determined to find my own light and persevere.

I find myself struggling with a lack of self-discipline. Laziness has become a constant companion in my life, preventing me from taking concrete actions to change my situation. Often, I lack the motivation and desire to do something about it. However, I know that this is an obstacle I must overcome if I want to find the inner strength to move forward.

Amidst this cloud of doubts and challenges, I find a ray of hope in my passion for Japanese cars. I dream of having my own complete project before I turn 27, especially longing for a Mitsubishi Evolution IV. Although I currently don't have the resources, not even for the tires, that dream still burns inside me. It is a constant reminder that, even though it may seem unreachable right now, there are still goals worth fighting and working for.

As I continue on my journey, I realize that love and self-discipline may be intertwined in some way. Finding motivation and passion in life can help me overcome emotional adversities and strengthen my will. Perhaps, by discovering that internal motivation, I can find a balance in my life and build the necessary strength to overcome the obstacles that come my way.

However, despite my efforts, I continue to struggle to find that lasting motivation. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking aimlessly, dragging myself through life without a clear purpose. Although I have experienced moments of fleeting happiness, it always seems to slip through my fingers, leaving me with an emptiness in my chest.

In my search for happiness and personal fulfillment, I have realized that there are no definitive answers. Life is a journey full of ups and downs, and not all chapters will be joyful. Accepting this is part of the human experience. Despite setbacks and disappointments, I am determined to keep trying and find my way to happiness, no matter how many times I stumble or fall.

I want to make it clear that there is no definitive endpoint in my search for motivation and happiness. Although I still find myself in a state of uncertainty and internal struggle, I remain willing to explore new opportunities and face the challenges that life presents me.

This was a small account of my life, from ages 16-17. I think I'll publish it when I turn 18 and feel ready to do so. Depending on how this goes, I may continue the story.