The Soldier and The Spy: Tess Danvers- Episode 7

Chapter 6

Present Day

"How did you find us?! Tell us how you found us!!"

She couldn't.

Not even if she wanted to, and... and she did want to. She wanted to do anything that would make the pain stop; the electricity running through her felt like fire, like molten lava burning her from the inside out, like that movie she'd loved as a kid. Volcano. Even through the mind-numbing agony she could so clearly see the scene that had always hit her the hardest, where the transit worker jumps into the lava, sacrificing himself so he can save someone else. The way his body had practically disintegrated, the look of pain and peace on his face as he'd died.

Except that had been nature and this was man, men, wicked, evil men who weren't going to stop until she gave them what they wanted. Maybe not even then. They were just as likely to keep going as they were to put a bullet in her, but it didn't matter.

Because she couldn't give them what they wanted.

She wouldn't.

They could beat her, burn her- maybe even something worse. Their imaginations didn't seem small. But she wouldn't break.

This would be her sacrifice.

Tess was out of the memory before she even realized she'd fallen into it, but brevity did not equal a lack of intensity.

It was subtle but her hands started shaking, phantom jolts making her want to itch, to scream. But she couldn't. This wasn't the place and it wasn't the time, though as she took a slow, silent breath to bring herself back to centre she realized for possibly the first time today, tonight, no one was watching her. No one important anyway. Jay and Coulson were still holding each others' stares, with about as much animosity as she'd expected; both were the type to blame themselves, though she could also see that neither was willing to let the other off the hook either, something that both made her heart lift and her stomach tighten, a pain that was very much not in her imagination.

But that conversation was going to have to wait.

She had a much less pleasant one to get over with first.

"Well. This is going to be great." She told the two men still locked in a stare-down, waiting until they turned to her to give them a sarcastic smile before she turned her attention to the base commander behind them.

Rear Admiral Carl Eegan.

A dick.

Not nearly as bad as the fictional character she'd named him after, but a dick nonetheless.

"Joffrey! Never thought I'd be happy to talk to you."

Thankfully his glower gave her something to focus on, an admittedly messed up way to prepare herself for what came next but she'd learned to take what worked. And for the black gaze that had been a constant in her minds-eye ever since Coulson had called, not the one that usually haunted her but still one she would never forget, one that even fourteen years later still haunted her dreams... it was necessary.

How often did he think about her?

What did he think of her? Of the woman responsible for his downfall, for the torture he'd no doubt endured, for far longer than she had.

Was she responsible for that too?

Had he broken?

It was a lot of questions and she was going to get answers whether she wanted to or not, whether she was ready or not so she tried to stay focused, getting Eegan to give her a rundown of what they knew. Cas already had found out everything she could and logistically there should be no way Selim had gotten any intel never mind something this critical, even the Admiral kept saying it was a waste of a trip but that thing in her gut that told her when to run and when to fight, when to talk and when to listen... it told her very strongly she needed to listen now. To him. The man who had smacked her across the face every time she'd opened her mouth and he hadn't liked what came out of it, and he hadn't ever liked anything she'd said to him.