Dead to me // 13rw

I need you

Tw: Mentions of self harm

I was doing my homework on my bed when I heard Clay outside.
'I..I knew Hannah! We used to work together. I..I was just riding by and I.. and I saw these kids.' I looked out the window. Toilet paper was all over the garden.
'You knew Hannah?' Mum approached him.
'I did.'
'Would you wanna.. c..come inside?' She had tears running down her face.
'Sure.'

-----time jump-----

I walked downstairs, finding Clay and my mum sat on the chairs in the living room.
'Hey Clay! What are you doing here?'
'Oh, hey Y/n. I was just riding by and I saw kids throwing toilet paper-'
'We're talking about Hannah. Something that you should probably try doing.' Mum scowled at me. I sighed.
'Mum.. I told you, I'm not ready. I'm going out to study with my friend.' Scott had called me to help him study for this test he had coming up.
'It's really late!'
'Please mum. I can stay the night at theirs if you want.'
'Fine.'
'Bye Clay.'
'Bye Y/n.'

-----time jump-----

'So, the square root of 64 is?'
'8?'
'Yes! Well done!' I hugged him. Scott was really bad at math and he had to get at least a B- to stay on the baseball team.
'Thanks Y/n. For everything.' He smiled. We laid on his bed and watched 'Mean girls'. I made him watch it but I knew he secretly loved it.
'I hate this movie.' He frowned.
'No you don't.' I laughed.
'I do a little bit.' He smirked.

After about half an hour, Scott put his arm around me. I leant my head on his shoulder and tried to hide the fact that I was blushing. A lot.
'Are you blushing Baker?'
'No? I'm just hot, that's all.'
'Sure.' He smiled.

Just then, we both got notifications from Clay.
'Why is Jensen messaging us?'
'I don't know?' I opened the chat and it was a picture of Tyler Down's naked ass.
'Oh shit!' Scott laughed.
'Don't laugh! Thats horrible. Why the fuck would Clay do that.'
'I mean it's Tyler? He's a stalker.' I rolled my eyes. Scott was great but sometimes he acted too much like his friends.

Messages:
Y/n - What the fuck Clay?
Jensen⛑️ - What? Tyler's getting what he deserves.
Y/n - You listened to his tape didn't you.
Jensen⛑️ - Yeah. It seems like I'm the only one that took extreme action. No one else cared when they listened.
Y/n - Of course I fucking cared. Hannah was my sister! I just didn't wanna stoop to Tylers level!
Jensen⛑️ - Whatever.

-----time jump-----

At lunch the next day, everyone was so paranoid about Clay.
'Clay must've listned to his tape.' Zach said. 'I told you, he listens to his tape, everything changes.'
'He hasn't listened to his tape. He just heard Tyler. He didn't say anything about Jessicas party.' Marcus said. I sighed. That party.
'But when he does he'll probably believe Hannah. He won't know that she's lying.' That's because she isn't.
'Yeah. Who knows what he'll do then.' I agreed with Jess.

-----time jump-----

I saw Tony Padilla watching Clay from afar.
'Hey Y/n. Look I didn't get a chance to ask what you think about the tapes?'
'I.. I bel-' I saw Justin and Jess staring at me.
'I don't believe them. Hannah lied back then... and she's lying now.' I hated myself for doing this. For siding with everyone that did Hannah wrong. But I had to wait.

'Mmm. Ok. Anyway. I was meaning to come and find you.' He held out another tape.
'Here. I made you this.'
'What's on it?'
'The night that we met.' I started to cry again. That song was my favourite song. It's the song that me and Jeff danced to at the winter formal. It was our song.

-----time jump-----

I took home the tape and played it over and over again, with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Pictures of me and Jeff and me and Hannah were laid out infront of me.

Recently, I've stopped drinking and smoking but on days like this I end up starting again. I cried and cried until I grew numb.

Messages:

Y/n - Scott come over.
Scotty🩷 - Why
Y/n - I need you.

The main reason why I stopped was because I've been happier. I've grown closer to Scott. He's made me enjoy life again.

-----time jump-----

'Y/n..?' Scott climbed through my window. 'Shit! Y/n.' Tears were streaming down my face and I had a lighter in my hand. I was burning my skin.
'Scott...' I said, through tears. 'I'm sorry.'
'Hey.. hey. You don't need to be sorry. You've done nothing wrong.'
'I.. killed Hannah. And Jeff.'
'No you didn't princess. Stop blaming yourself.' He hugged me tightly and slowly took the lighter away from my hand.

'It should've been me that died. Not them.' I curled up in Scott's arms.
'No. Don't fucking say that shit Y/n!' He kissed my head and stroked my hair. 'I think my mum wants me back home.'
'Please don't leave me..' I begged, still crying.
'Ok princess. Now, let's watch mean girls. You were right. I do love that movie.'