Unexplainable Love (Ziam one direction fanfic)

Just a break

(Zayns POV)

I see the guilt all over his face...

I really can't believe him!

He was ashamed to be with me...

"Well... If it bothers you that much maybe you should just leave!"

"No!.." He protest but I cut him off

"Yes Liam I want you too leave! Just go!" I say pushing him a little rough away from me. His head goes down and just stays there for awhile until he looks up at me. He looks up at me and I can see the red around his eyes and the tears at the brim of them. He was crying... Well now he's really gonna make ya feel bad! I think to myself.

"I-is it over?" He says letting the tears spill from his beautiful brown eyes. Wow! I never thought I would see Liam Payne cry...he's part of the bad group that no one dares to go near or even try to be a part of.

I had to fight the urge to wrap my arms around him and hold him and tell him that I wasn't going anywhere. But I couldn't I had to be strong. If this was ever going to work out I couldn't let him throw me around like his buddies do the their girlfriends.

"No... It's not over.. It's just I think maybe we should just take a break.. Ya know until you figure out things...we should just wait until we know how we really feel for each other. Because this is all just going too fast for me." I admit.

His head drops down but nods in agreement and sniffles from the crying he had just done.

Right now I really don't know how how to feel about him...

***Liam's POV***

I nod in agreement, say goodbye and head back out the way I came in.. Through the window.. Soon.. Soon I would be able to come though the door like a real boyfriend would and not be scared of who sees me.

Geeze I'm such a dick!

I walk down the lonely street with my hands in my leather jacket trying to fight away the cold.

I really don't need to think about it at all I 'really' like Zayn. But I'm just afraid. Afraid of what people will say what people may think. I'm afraid of what Harry may think. He's my only true friend the rest of my group that I hang out with is just part of my image. I could really care less about them. Harry doesn't know I'm gay and if he found out I don't know what he do to be honest. Im afraid he may think its disgusting and then hate me. Harry is the only person I feel completely open to about anything.

Except my sexuality..

That has been something I have struggled with for a long time..

When I was young my parents always took us to church and in church I learned that the 'gay life style' as they called it was wrong through god eyes and is a compleat sin.

But I never felt right when I was with girls. Guys just started to attract me around 12 years old. And thats when I figured I was gay. Then five years later I met Ryan.

Ryan was the person I swore I was going to marry one day, start a family with, grow old with.. Until he left me.. It was all my fault.

I was happy for once in my life since my dad left my family. And that's when it all started I started partying, drinking, and taking drugs on a regular schedule. It got so bad that It didn't matter if I had school the next morning or not I was doing drugs, drinking and partying everyday.

After about a month I started to get a habit of waking up in strangers beds. I was drinking so much that I would end up cheating on Ryan.

The first time it happened he was torn, didn't know what to do. He let it slide. But then it just kept happening until it was happening about 3 times a week I was waking up in someone else's arms beside Ryan's

He just couldn't take it anymore. Knowing that every morning I wasn't there I was in someone else's bed. And I don't blame him...

After Ryan left me I became depressed no one ever really saw my smile again. I got depressed and slowed down on the partying and drugs but Its just about the same with the drinking.

This is why no one wanted anything to do with us at school. Some people may think that that's cool but it actually gets kinda lonely. When I found my pack that seams to have the same problems as I have I felt the need not to let then know I was gay. Frightened that if I did they would kick me out of the pack. Then who would I have? Harry then became the only one out of the pack that I became close mates with yet I still fell as though if I tell him I'm gay he'll push me away. So that why when he flipped when he saw zayn at my house I got scared and panicked and said he was my lab partner.

But the bad thing is that I may have just ruined it with Zayn...my head feels over crowded with thoughts I try to lay down and rest to push back the thoughts but it seemed to fail every time.

I got out of the covers from my warm bed and headed to the kitchen, pulling out my mums wine she has for only special dinner parties. I don't think she'll notice.

This had been the way I've cleared my head for the past almost two years. Maybe that's why I do it I just don't want to think so I don't have to feel the pain.

I take out a wine glass and fill it up. Though wine glasses are made small so you don't pour too much of the wine it doesn't seem to stop you from filling it again.