Family Line || Kaeluc Fanfic

Chapter 3

TW: Self harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Attempts and the like :)

Two years had gone by, yet Diluc can’t recall anything that happened during those times. He was always running yet he had no purpose in mind. After that night, he thought that he would try to be better when he returned (if ever he was welcome).  He knew something was wrong with him, and the more he traveled the more apparent it was. The people he talked to had such passion in them, always hoping for the bright future ahead of them.
   
He finds that he does not share the same sentiment.
   
At this point, he was only ever waking up because his body would not give up. Despite barely eating, drinking, resting, his body was as stubborn as he is. He does not know why he makes himself go through what he went through when he was at home even when there was no one else but him controlling everything he does. There were no more people who were actively trying to hurt him, trying to punish him for even the littlest things. But, his mind was conditioned before he knew it.

Diluc now knew, whatever he went through had been years of abuse but that didn't stop his thoughts which only grew worse as time passed by. He thought everything would be alright now but the thoughts won’t stop,

He was a slave to his own mind.             

Which was why now as he stares at the disintegrated hilichurl camp he had slain single handedly his first thought was,

“Why hadn’t it killed me?”

The hilichurls had an advantage with their number and size, Diluc had gotten careless and even got injured by his shoulder. It was going to scar, but what difference was this one to the countless he already has on his body. The delusion by his side prickled, he was already familiar with the rotten thing that had taken away his father. After all, it was his weapon.

The first time he had thought of using the delusion was merely two months right after that night that had managed to hunt his mind until now. After he ran away, he had collapsed somewhere in the forest when an old couple had found him all bloody and covered in dirt while clutching the delusion. Exhaustion, hunger and dehydration had caught up to him, even almost taking his life away (a shame really, for it had not taken him away completely). The kind couple offered him food, water, and even shelter. The moment he woke up he was bewildered, why were these strangers so kind to someone like him? Then it hit him, they hadn’t known him yet. They didn’t know what a failure he was and that keeping him alive was only a waste of time. They didn’t know that he had killed his father, he had failed to die in his place. They didn’t know that he had hurt the only person who truly cared for him and the person who taught him how to love and how it feels to be loved.

After practically forcing Diluc to eat and drink because as they say, he was too thin for his own good. And, it was only until after where they could see that Diluc was regaining his energy would they listen to him. He thought it was going to be like back at the manor but he was wrong,  it was the first time Diluc had actually known what it felt like to be pampered. They doted on him and even worried about him when they had caught him vomiting the dinner they had eaten. Even going as far as coming up with light meals that would be easy to stomach just so Diluc was eating at least something.

He was conflicted, everything was new to him. He felt that he was a burden to them, as they had to adjust and do so much for him. Guilt was eating him, flashes of what happened before they had found him kept haunting him. It was after only three days he had stayed there when they brought him soup for dinner when he finally broke down, telling them everything. From the moment he was born, to how everyone had treated him which was deserving for someone like him, up until the latest moments not sparing any detail. He told them all the thoughts running through his mind as tears clouded his vision, hands gripping tight on the utensils which he hoped would ground him as he tells his story. Everything that he could not even tell Kaeya, each word uttered felt like a burden was lifted off from his shoulders.