No one will know | 18+

Chapter 18

Losing control and enjoying the evening was impossible with the awareness of having Pedro Pascal's eyes on me. How could I have danced knowing he was nearby? So when I was offered a round of shots, I more than gladly accepted it.

"Go! Go!" Elena shouted, leaning on the bar counter and looking at me amused. She had turned down the shots because she realized she wasn't cut out for drinking too much alcohol.

The vodka burned my throat, but I forced myself to swallow it. The alcohol made me lose my balance for a moment and I had to hold on to the counter to keep from falling to the ground.

"Are you okay, Ale?" Laura asked me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, yes," I blurted out. "I think I need to get some air, though."

"Okay, if you get out now you should find the others."

Before the three of us went to the bar, the rest of Laura's friends had gone out for a smoke. Nodding, I walked towards the exit. Laura and Elena remained alone behind me.

I found the small group standing near the sidewalk. They greeted me quickly and I had to refuse the cigarette that Mattia was offering me.

I allowed the cool evening air to calm me and drive the professor out of my head.

"Everything OK?"

I looked up at Mattia. "Mmm?"

"You look far away with your head."

I rubbed my neck, thinking about how to respond. "Really?" I laughed with nervousness. "It's the alcohol that makes me dizzy."

His gaze continued to study me. I moved mine towards the door of the club, wanting to leave that conversation as quickly as possible.

"Listen," he said, and I knew what was about to happen.

"Yes?" I forced myself to answer.

Mattia lowered his gaze, putting his hands in his pockets. His expression was serious and he looked flustered. "Are you seeing anyone yet?"

I took a deep breath. I hated having that kind of conversation. Not that it happened to me often, but the ending was always the same.

A boy whom I barely liked and whom I considered nothing more than a friend came to me to confess his feelings to me. I felt like shit, but I was forced to refuse him.

"No," I answered honestly. Before he could continue, I added, "But I'm not looking for any relationship right now. I have to focus on my final exams and in September I'm going to study in another city and it would be complicated."

Mattia kept his face down, trying to hide his disappointment from me. "You can be honest and tell me if there's anyone else, you know."

That comment annoyed me. "I was honest," I snapped. "Until July, school will have my priority."

Mattia raised his head and, continuing to avoid my gaze, moved his eyes toward the outside of the club. His jaw was clenched and I assumed he was clenching his fists.

"Mmm," he mumbled and I thought he still didn't believe me.

Lips sealed, I ran my tongue over my teeth. Whatever emotion he was feeling was none of my concern. Yes, I liked Mattia, but we were barely acquaintances and I owed him nothing, above all I wasn't forced to pretend to have feelings for him. I would have ended up hurting both of us.

"I'm going back inside" I announced, also attracting the attention of the others who were distracted by a conversation that I hadn't followed.

I wasted no time in telling Mattia that we could have been friends. I would have lied and it would have been a waste of time. After receiving a confession, I hadn't remained friends with any of those boys. Their pride had been hurt forever or perhaps they no longer considered me worthy of their company.