Barcelona Sun

my heart started racing with happiness

*Carlos*

Fernando had kicked me out again after Elli had given me the choice. I had sat in front of the door for a while, hoping that she would open the door for me again, but she did not. And so the demand that I choose between her and my best friend continued to stand.

Even though I didn't really understand why I should choose at all.

Why couldn't I stay friends with Sarah and be with Elli? It didn't make sense to me. Why not both?

Maybe I could get Elli to talk to Sarah again after all. The two of them would certainly get along well once they had really talked to each other. The start had, admittedly, not been very good, but Sarah had promised me to change and I trusted her. She had never lied to me before and why should she lie to me now?

She was my best friend and even though I had been really angry with her after Elli had been in the hospital because of her, she had been able to explain to me that she had only been that way because she was worried about me.

And after thinking about it, I was sure that I probably wouldn't have reacted differently in her place. After all, I was just as worried about Sarah when she was in a new relationship. That's just how it was between friends.

And she had just been worried that Elli just wanted my money and just wanted to use me. She had been a bit rough, admittedly, but in the end she had only had my best interests in mind and I really couldn't be angry with her for that.

But it drove me crazy that Elli couldn't see that.

If only she would take the time to talk to Sarah, if only she would listen to me....

But she didn't want to see me anymore and I wasn't sure if it was worth the whole thing then.

Yes, I wanted to see my child grow up and I wanted to be with Elli, but was it really worth it if Elli didn't want to after all.

Maybe Sarah was right and she was just too polite to tell me that she didn't want to be with me. She hadn't even told me about the child. Maybe she never would have if she hadn't had to go to the hospital. I would never have known about the child because she would have wanted it that way.

She didn't really want me to be part of the whole thing. And maybe I just had to accept that. And maybe it was Elli's way of telling me that. Maybe she didn't want to tell me directly and giving me a choice was her way of telling me....

It broke my heart, but what could I do?

I wouldn't give up my best friend after all. Sarah was everything to me. We had known each other for such an infinite amount of time. She had been part of my life ever since I could remember.

On the other hand, Elli was also important to me. She had taken my heart by storm, as had her son. Matteo was a great kid and I had never wanted anything else than to be a father. I had always wanted to have a family. And how perfect it all would have been with Elli. She was smart, a great mom, and beautiful.

But maybe I just wasn't the one.

Considering that she also had a child with Fernando and had also left him, maybe this whole being given a choice was really her way of telling me that it was over.

It hurt incredibly, but maybe I just had to come to terms with it. Maybe it was just a matter of accepting it.

I had been struggling with these thoughts for a few days.

I had actually hoped to see them in Zandvoort, but Elli and Matteo hadn't been there, or I hadn't seen them. I couldn't say for sure.

But Fernando had also been avoiding me all weekend, so I hadn't had a chance to ask how Elli was doing. That still interested me.