Barcelona Sun

in my head

*Carlos*

Finally I was back home. Finally summer break. Finally a little rest.

I let myself fall next to Elena on the sofa. She immediately took me in her arms. The last two weeks had been very exhausting once again. Her fingers gently stroked my shoulders as I leaned back against her chest. It was such a wonderful, quiet moment.

"Mi amor?" she pressed her face into my hair "Can we talk about something?"

"No, I just want to enjoy your love right now," I grumbled, pulling her hands around my body.

"Please, Carlos. It's really important to me.", I raised my head and looked at her worriedly "We still haven't talked about Matteo's father and I...".

I turned around on the sofa and took her face in my hands "Mi belleza, it's not important to me. I just want..."

"It's Fernando. Fernando Alonso." she blurted out, interrupting me.

I looked at her completely horrified and slumped back a bit. My hands left her face "Fernando?", I echoed.

"Yes. We... It's been a while. I was with him, but kept out of the public eye. At the latest when then Matteo was on the way and then it was actually over, but we're just raising him together and...", she bit her lips.

"Fernando?", I asked again, running my fingers through my hair.

"Yes.", she said and I could see tears welling up in her eyes.

A thousand thoughts went through my mind at that moment. Was it a coincidence that she was with me now? Or was there more to it? Why just a Formula 1 driver again?

I just sat there and stared at her. In my head there was emptiness. I didn't know what to think about it.

"I... Maybe sleep at my place tonight," I said and got up from the sofa.

I didn't want to be here right now.

"Okay.", she nodded, but couldn't hide the tears. She started to shake, but I couldn't focus on that right now.

I was too busy with my own thoughts. It felt weird knowing that it was just him. Of all the men, it was him. I ran my hand over my face as I walked out of her apartment.

There was way too much going on in my head right now.

I needed to get out. Away.
Preferably to my family. That was the only place where I might find a little peace and, above all, support now. I needed advice. I had absolutely no idea what to do. I didn't know how to feel about the fact that he of all people, the hero of my childhood, my idol was the father of her son.

I loved Elena. More than was good for me, but I had to sort out my feelings first.

And so I packed a suitcase and went to my parents. I needed to clear my head and had written to some old friends that I was coming. They immediately invited me to go out with them. That was exactly what I needed now.

To clear my head and then regroup.

I hadn't been out partying with the friends from my youth for a long time. Back then I had often lacked the time. Tonight, however, I had time. More time than I would have liked, because I would have preferred to be with Elena. I would have preferred to lie with her on the sofa, feel her fingers on my arms and bask in her warmth. But I just couldn't push aside the thought with Fernando.

"What's going on?" asked Fabio.

We were sitting in a club relatively far away from the other people.

"I have a problem," I grumbled.
„Oh really?" laughed Jorge "We never would have noticed."