attention | gyuricky

fifteen.

Zhanghao's schedule is, thankfully, not as weirdly packed as the painting and architecture majors. They meet that very evening, downstairs of Junhyeon and Zhanghao's dormitory block.

"I'm sorry to have to ask about this," Gyuvin begins. "Like I said, you can ask me to stop anytime you want, okay?"

Zhanghao smiles, though the expression is a little worried. "It's alright. What is it?"

"You and Ricky were in a band together, right? In high school?"

"Oh, yeah we were. It wasn't a very official one, though, we just played songs together and performed at events every now and then," Zhanghao answers, visibly confused yet simultaneously relieved that the question seems to be so innocuous. "Is that what you were so worried to ask me?"

"Kind of, but also not really," Gyuvin says vaguely, still trying to figure out how to angle his question. "How close are you with Ricky, actually?"

The other boy frowns a little, brushing dark hair out of his eyes. "We're pretty close. I've known him since the start of middle school."

"Hmm..."

Gyuvin walks ahead of him, injured hand weighed down by his side and free hand absentmindedly toying with the drawstring of his hoodie. He'd been full of questions and curiosity when he'd left the hospital, but now in front of Zhanghao, he finds he hardly has the courage in him to speak them aloud.

"Whatever it is, just ask, Gyuvin-ah," Zhanghao says gently. "The worst that can happen is that I won't answer, which isn't anything devastating either."

"Okay," Gyuvin answers, nodding slowly, more to convince himself than to convince anyone else. "Does Ricky have a history of having nightmares?"

"He's having them again?"

"Again?"

Zhanghao looks more than a little concerned. "Yeah, he started having them in the final year of high school. There was a period of time I had to sleep over at his house almost every night because he just couldn't get any rest at all. I stopped at some point, because he seemed to be getting better. I haven't heard him talk about them since."

So Ricky had been having them for more than a year, now. "He had one, about a week ago. I happened to wake up and hear him, so I got him some water and sat with him till he stopped shaking. I still think he doesn't like me, but he was probably feeling shitty enough that he didn't mind me being around, which is worrying."

The other boy laughs, a little caught off guard by the end of Gyuvin's sentence. "Yeah, his nightmares are pretty bad. His parents got him a therapist for it, but I think he stopped going to her a while ago. Maybe I should tell him to start going again."

"Oh, I don't know about that..." Gyuvin doesn't know what Ricky's reaction will be, if he finds out that he's been talking to Zhanghao about him behind his back.

"Can I ask you something?" Zhanghao says suddenly, turning back to look at him.

"Hm? Yeah, of course. What is it?"

"Why do you care so much about Ricky?"

Gyuvin's slightly taken aback by the question, and he's silent for a few moments as he thinks about what to say. "I don't know either," he answers truthfully. "I just think there must be a reason he's the way he is. No one's an asshole without a cause. There must have been something that made him hate me like that. I guess I was just fixated on finding out why."

Zhanghao nods, and Gyuvin can tell he understands but doesn't relate to it. It's normal; most sane people stay away from people who don't like them. Even Gyuvin himself doesn't even really know why he cares so much. "You know, you remind me of someone I knew."

"Who?"

"It's okay, you wouldn't know him. I was friends with him in high school."

Gyuvin nods and doesn't say anything more. He hasn't been paying attention to where they've been walking, just following Zhanghao in front of him, and he realises now as he looks up that they've taken a big loop around the dormitory buildings and ended up back underneath Zhanghao's dorm.

"Thanks for talking to me," Gyuvin says, although there's the lingering feeling in his head that reminds him he hasn't actually figured anything out. "I'll see you around, okay?"

Zhanghao fingerwaves back as he fumbles for his keys in the pocket of his sweatpants. "See you around."

Gyuvin's left alone again with his thoughts, a situation he seems to find himself in a lot lately. Not that he minds, though, it takes his mind off the mundane stresses of keeping up with his university classes and staying on top of schoolwork, and the weather as of late is cool enough even in the late afternoons that he can walk for as long as he wants without working up much of a sweat. Which is nice; it's peaceful to follow the winding paths between dorm buildings, just one foot in front of the other, the first flowers of spring beginning to bloom along the walkways.

So Ricky's been having his nightmares for about a year now, and at one point it was bad enough he couldn't sleep alone and had to see a therapist for it. To Gyuvin it screams one word: trauma. He's never been trained in the study of the human psyche, but from the few psychology books he'd read in his downtime back in high school, it seems unlikely someone would develop such crippling sleep difficulties for no reason, which meant there had to be a reason.

Gyuvin's best guess is that Zhanghao knows why and won't tell him, which is fair. It's quite realistically none of his business; Ricky doesn't seem like the sort who likes being talked about behind his back, and Zhanghao probably knows this. His mind goes back to his last meeting with Yunseo, and everything Yunseo had told him about Yujin, the boy who'd been bandmates with Ricky and Zhanghao, the boy who'd died in a car accident just over a year ago.

He doesn't know the exact timeline of events and god forbid he asks any of the people involved, but if it all lines up just right, it meant Ricky's nightmares had something to do with Yujin, somehow, in some way Gyuvin hadn't yet figured out.

He'll think about it more another day. A text on his phone comes in just then, from his groupchat with Taerae, Gunwook and Junhyeon; Taerae, asking why the hell he didn't tell anyone he was being discharged, Junhyeon, confused about why Gyuvin was talking to Zhanghao, and Gunwook, unbothered by the other two, asking if they want to meet for dinner in half an hour.

He texts back with a quick affirmative and turns back to head for the dinner place Gunwook's sent a location tag for. Gyuvin's missed the company of his best friends recently, and with the novelty and strangeness of everything he seems to have gone through recently, he's more than happy to be back in comfortable, familiar company.