Honor and Glory

Chapter Ten

With no septims to pay for a carriage ride back to Whiterun, I had to hoof it over rough terrain and treacherous roads. I was in Eastmarch, close to the hold's capital, Windhelm. I had a long, long journey ahead of me.

By the time I'd made it back inside Whiterun's walls, the sun was high in the sky, and I could hardly hold my head up. I had better endurance than this. What happened to me? Maybe the transformation was still changing my body, and I was too exhausted from that for anything else.

Thank the gods for Vilkas. He was outside Jorrvaskr, standing in front of the doors. He had his arms crossed when I approached. The sunlight bounced off his armored chest, some of the beams lighting his icy blue eyes. He had a small smile on his face when he saw me.

"Ylva!" he said as I trudged up the stairs. "We've been looking for you! What..."

He trailed off when I made it to the top of the stairs. I stood in front of him for a moment, fighting to keep my feet, then I gave up and collapsed.

If Vilkas hadn't been there, I would've smacked cobblestone. But he was there, and he caught me before I hit the ground.

"Ylva!" He pressed a gloved hand to my face, turning my head towards him. "What's wrong?"

"W... water, please," I said, barely above a whisper.

He nodded, then hefted me into his arms. He lifted me like I weighed nothing, then carried me into Jorrvaskr.

"Tilma!" Vilkas called when he got inside. "I need water! And food!"

Before she could respond, Vilkas carried me downstairs to my bedroom.

"Tell me what happened, Ylva," he said as he set me down in my bed. He pulled a chair up to my bed and sat down in it.

"Get... I need... Kodlak needs to hear this... from me." I had a hard time forming sentences. My mind felt like it was nothing but a pile of uncooked sweetroll dough. I had a hard time staying focused.

"All right. I'll get him." He left, only to return moments later with both Kodlak and Farkas.

"What is it, girl?" Kodlak asked, taking the seat Vilkas had abandoned. The twins stood behind him, concern etched into their faces.

"Skjor was... Skjor fell to the Silver Hand."

Their reactions were almost identical. First came the shock. All of their eyes widened, and the twins dropped their jaws. Then came anger. Farkas growled. Vilkas gripped the hilt of his shortsword. Kodlak's face twisted, a scowl bending his brow.

"It should not have been this way," he murmured, his anger fading away. But the brothers still had faces filled with fury. "Our souls will cry this day, and our hearts will answer." He turned to Farkas and Vilkas. "Grieve in whatever way you know. And Ylva?" He turned back to me. "Get your rest. You need it."

I nodded, then watched him leave. Farkas followed him, his shoulders squared and fists curled tight.

Then, Tilma came in with a tray of food and a pitcher of water. She set it down on the end table next to my bed, then left without a word.

Vilkas took the pitcher and a cup and poured some water for me. He handed me the cup, then took his seat next to me, arms crossed. "I always thought Skjor to be invincible. I didn't think..."

"I don't think anyone did." I took a long drink of the water. Already, my strength was returning. "I never got along with Skjor. And now he's gone, and I can't..." Something caught in my throat, and I had to cough. "I shouldn't have despised him. I should've—"

"No, Ylva." Vilkas leaned forward and rested his hand on my shoulder. "You can't do that. You can't live with guilt. He's where he wanted to be."

I set the empty cup down on the tray. "The Hunting Grounds." Just thinking about them made me shiver. I was destined to see them now. I was one with the beast. I'd become a she-wolf, an animal. "Vilkas, Skjor and Aela.... They... they turned me."

Vilkas gaped at me. "What?"

"They told me I couldn't join the Circle unless I shared the beast blood."

"They shouldn't have.... Skjor, you sneaky... never give up, do you?" Vilkas shook his head. "Why didn't you come to me?"

"He told me not to tell anyone. I didn't know he was going to turn me, and I didn't want to get on his bad side."

"Ylva, you could've told me." His face softened. He looked so different without a scowl. Seeing him looking so gentle was odd. A good kind of odd, though. "I would've taken care of Skjor. You didn't have to rush into such a decision."

I shook my head. "It's too late. I share it. You didn't smell it on me? Because I can smell it on you." I closed my eyes and let out a low moan. "I can hear your heartbeat. It's so loud. And not just yours. I can hear Ria's down the hall. I can smell Njada and Athis fighting upstairs. I can smell Tilma cooking." I opened my eyes again. "This isn't right."

"No, it isn't. This is a curse. We shouldn't have to live with it."

"I was naïve. I rushed into it without much thought. And now I will pay for it dearly. I'll never get to hear the songs of the warriors again. I'll never get to feast and fight to my heart's content. I'll never—" My voice cracked. "I'll never get to see my parents." Tears filled my eyes, and I didn't try to hide them. They poured down my cheeks, wetting my pillow. I turned onto my side and wept harder than I had in a long time.

I expected Vilkas to leave me to my grief. To walk away and let me be. But he didn't. Instead he sat on the bed next to me and rubbed my shoulder.

"Ylva, it's all right," he said, his voice calm and soothing. "You're Dragonborn. If anyone deserves Sovngarde, it's you."

"I doubt Shor would make an exception. Even for me. He can't have a filthy animal soiling his pure land."

"Then I won't rest until we find a cure. I won't let you spend eternity in that place."

I sniffed, wiped my eyes, then looked at him. "What... what about you? Don't you want a cure?"

"Of course. But you've had a taste of the glory beyond death. I won't have that denied you."

"Vilkas..."

"We'll find a cure, Ylva. I swear it." He patted my shoulder. "We'll all see Sovngarde."

He stood then, after giving my shoulder another pat. "You should sleep now. You've come a long way, and you need your rest. Don't worry, I'll make sure you're not disturbed." He started to leave, but I sat up and grabbed his arm.

"Wait, please. Don't leave, Vilkas."

He looked at my hand, then at me, face twisted with confusion.

"Please don't leave me. I... I don't want to be alone."

He didn't say anything, but he did sit down in the chair next to my bed.

"Thank you, Vilkas." I lay back down and closed my eyes.

"I'll only stay if you promise to sleep."

A smirk twitched on my lips. "Deal."

I wondered if I'd be able to sleep when my body was still trying to figure out what it was. Was I woman or beast? Was I mixture of both? Was that good or evil? I had no idea, and I didn't have enough strength to think about it.

Still overwhelmed by all the different smells and sounds in Jorrvaskr, I tried to focus on one particular sound or smell. Maybe if I could focus on one, the others would die out. I chose to listen to Vilkas's heartbeat. It was steady and strong, just like him. Unlike before, it wasn't overwhelming. It was muted. I evened my breaths out, allowing myself to relax.

Vilkas is going to help me find a cure, I thought, my mind slipping into sleep. He said so.

With the sound of Vilkas's steady heartbeat still hammering in my ears, I drifted into sleep.