The Dangers in my Heart

Hey you

"Is that her? Is that really Jennie?" I couldn't help but gaze in admiration. However, my friend Jisoo's anxious inquiries brought me back to the present. It made me ponder whether I was seeing the real Jennie or if I was simply swept up in the moment.

As Jisoo's impatience grew, she turned to me and said, "Should I go down there and ask if she's Jennie? I'm not getting any response. You know what I mean?" Her words left me feeling conflicted. Should I encourage her to take a chance or play it safe and wait for more information? I knew that whatever we chose, it would have a significant impact on our lives. Well, more of mine...

Christ, it seems like the cosmos heard my thoughts and Jennie faced us with red cheeks. I reckon it's the booze, as she closed her eyes while giggling and waved her hand in front of her mouth as if to cool down a fire. I was even more gobsmacked when I saw her face, for she still looked as beautiful as the day I left her...

Jisoo turned to me, her eyes filled with concern, and said, "Looks like your plan to run back to London didn't work out so well. It seems like your old love has caught up with you. What do you think you'll do?' I paused for a moment, searching for the right words, before replying, "Let's just leave her be. She's probably just here for a bit of a holiday, then she'll head back to the States." My voice was firm, but I couldn't help feeling a twinge of jealousy. I wanted her to notice me, to see me more that the weak, subtle Lisa she once knew.

As I returned to our table, I could feel Jisoo's gaze on me, but I chose to ignore it. Once there, I sat down on the leather sofa and lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke. Seconds later, Jisoo joined me and sat down next to me. The stare persisted, so I turned to her and said, "Go on, say it."

"I know you, Lisa. Even with your indomitable exterior, I know you yearn to speak with her. So go ahead," Jisoo said. Confusion and frustration etched across my face, I replied, "There will be no more mention of her, or else we're leaving this instant." Jisoo conceded and grabbed another beer.

The club's melodic sounds were the only thing that filled the silence between us. I suppose I owe Jisoo an apology; she was only attempting to be a supportive friend. The truth is, I yearn to speak with Jennie. I'm curious about how she's been in the years since we last spoke. How are her parents? What's new in her life? And most importantly, is she still with Sky?

"I'm sorry, Lisa. I overstepped my boundaries. She apologized. "Thank you for apologizing, Jisoo," I responded, "But I must take responsibility for my own actions. I acted immaturely and shouldn't have behaved that way."

"I empathize with your situation," Chu expressed sympathetically. "It's as though I was seeing myself in your shoes, urging myself to seize the opportunity before it's too late. Because one never knows when it will arise again, or if it will be too late. Do you understand where I'm coming from?" Chu's eyes began to well up with tears, which she struggled to hold back as she continued to speak. "Please don't repeat the same mistakes that I made. I understand that Jennie betrayed your trust, but it appears to me that there is still some unresolved business between you two. I'm not suggesting that you attempt to win her back, but rather that you have a conversation with her. Your mind, which is full of 'what ifs,' may find some answers if the two of you simply converse. It's a matter of finding closure. You've been bottling up your questions for years, and it's not healthy."

With a marked heaviness of breath, a furrowed brow, and a nod of acknowledgment, I rose from my seat and made my way to the bathroom. As I traversed the distance, Chu's words resonated deep within me, and I realized the truth in her statement. There remain unanswered questions that I long to ask Jennie, but I am reluctant to do so for fear that the answers may not be worth the emotional toll. I am resolute in my decision to prioritize my own well-being and avoid the potential pitfalls of such a conversation. Or the fact I'm just saving myself from the pain.

As I turned the faucet on, I curiously watched the water fill up and I proceeded to splash it on my face repeatedly, in a somewhat ritualistic manner. I then gazed upon my reflection in the mirror, and with a heavy heart, I audibly uttered the words, "You, Lisa, are an utter imbecile."

I was startled when I heard the toilet flush. Turns out I wasn't the only one here.

"I don't think you're an utter imbecile." A woman from behind the toilet door said.

That voice...

"Do British people really say that? Why not just call someone an 'idiot'?" The inscrutable woman guffawed as she opened the door and strode out, and in that moment, our eyes locked. Her melodious, captivating, and infectious laugh has the power to make others feel cheery and at ease in her presence. Because I know I did.

"Hey you."